Drinking from the Barrel

"Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring-fed well." - Proverbs 5:15

When I read these sayings this week in The Message, they hit me in a new way. What stood out this time were the words rain and spring-fed. This summer has been an amazing year for growing anything. Rain has come in the right amounts at the right time. We've had plenty of sun but no long spells of hot weather. Growing a garden in this kind of weather could not be easier!

A rain barrel and a spring-fed well are the same as a garden that you never have to water. They require no cost at all. With a little preparation and maintenance, the water is there whenever you need it, just waiting for you to get it.

In the larger context, these verses are about being faithful to your spouse. Don't go looking for another woman when your wife is at home. If the other woman is married, her husband will never forgive you (Prov. 6:34-35). Not to mention the foolishness of going down the road that ultimately leads to destruction (Prov. 6:32-33).

However, adultery is not a huge temptation for me, but in our age of consumerism, these verses made me aware of another temptation. I am tempted so often to pay someone else for what I could do myself. Why eat leftovers when I could pay someone to make me fresh food? Why put energy into looking for creative activities and toys when I can just buy something at the store or pay someone else for entertainment? Why take the time to shop at garage sales or thrift stores not knowing if I'll find something I need when I can just go to the store any day any time?

Beyond the ease of those options, there is another component. In college, for a health and fitness class, I read an article that divided exercisers into categories. One category was the person who starts any exercise program by buying equipment and accessories. I'm often tempted by that category. I love gear. I want to have the latest technology in clothing, shoes, and equipment. I want to look the part. I don't want to show up at a yoga class where everyone is wearing their super cute yoga clothes in my ratty old sweat pants and holey t-shirts.

I also want to live the life. I want to go to concerts and try new restaurants. I want to eat fancy food and pretty desserts. I want to go out with friends. I want to go on trips. I don't want to live my life at home. I want to live my life out in the world, experiencing life!

But who said that life doesn't happen at home? Who said that real life is fancy food and expensive concerts?

Well, a lot of people as it turns out.

I was looking online to try to find out why I find it so difficult to drink from my own barrel, and I found that shopping has become a psychological component of our lifestyles. In an excellent interview, Dr. Kit Yarrow identifies a few reasons people shop:

1. Social connection. In an increasingly disconnected society, people connect with others by shopping.

2. Tradition. Right now, we are in the midst of the back-to-school shopping season. Back-to-school shopping has become more than just an aside or an inconvenience; it is part of the back-to-school "season." How could our kids go to school without their shiny new school supplies and their shiny new clothes? Likewise, Dr. Yarrow identified Black Friday as more than a day to get good bargains; it's a symbolic beginning to the Christmas season for many families.

3. Managing anxiety. According to Dr. Yarrow, people use shopping to manage anxiety about upcoming life transitions. For example, when people are getting married or having a baby, they go shopping as a way to feel prepared for the future event. He describes this as visualizing their future similar to the way athletes use visualization to enhance their performance.

As a stay-at-home-mom, I really want to use these years when I can devote my time and energy to my household to develop good habits, routines, and traditions. We receive so many different messages from tv shows, commercials, and our peers that tell us how to find meaning, how to run our households, and how to carry out our traditions. It's not easy to live differently, but the lifestyle instructed by the proverbs has never been easy. If it was, Proverbs would not have been written!

Some alternative practices might include:
1. Inviting friends over for dinner instead of going out.
2. Having a sing-along instead of going to a concert (thanks to the Olive Branch Community for their recent sing-along!)
3. Cooking at home and eating leftovers instead of eating out.
4. Taking advantage of free events like library programs, free museum days, and nature centers.
5. Spending time in your backyard, exploring and playing.
6. Learning skills like sewing, knitting, and canning to make things instead of buying them.
7. Reading aloud, playing music, going for a walk, or spending time with friends instead of watching tv.
8. Growing a garden instead of buying produce.
9. Develop family traditions that don't revolve around buying things.

Here's to drinking from my own rain barrel and drawing water from own spring-fed well!

Do you feel compelled to shop? To pay someone else to provide goods or services that you could provide from your own resources? Do you have more ideas for ways to live alternatively?

Enjoying the fruit of our labors

Reaching Millenials: First Article on the Internet on this Topic!

"They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone." - Billy Joel

I recently read an excellent interview with author Naomi Schaefer Riley in the July/August issue of Christianity Today about what millenials are looking for in a church. If you read the interwebs much, you've probably come across one or two hundred articles on this topic. People everywhere are frantically writing and talking about how to reach the millenial generation.

Based on this excellent interview and my own expert opinion as an actual millenial, I would like to add my voice to this conversation. Here are a few suggestions.

1. Stop talking so much! Here's an idea for all the church leaders frantically making plans, starting programs, reading viral articles, and generally running around like chickens with their heads cut off: find a millenial and ask him or her why he or she doesn't go to church. Or better yet, just introduce yourself and then stop there. Just listen. Listen to that person (you don't have to start creating categories are generalizing about all millenials). Find out what he or she is passionate about, what that person hates, what that person has been through, where that person hurts and why. If you have the great fortune to actually have millenials in your church, it's even easier. Invite them over for dinner and listen!

2. Redefine "ministry." Some good friends of mine feel like they are called to offer foster care to children in need. So far, they have provided a home for twenty-five kids from the ages of a few months to five. Their story looks really good to an outsider, but they have struggled to participate in church. Their foster kids, who sometimes have behavioral issues or are just not quite so acclimated to church culture, tend to get kicked out of Sunday School. They spend most services watching the service on tv in a separate room. The church has a really great children's department for all the churchy kids, but no one has quite figured out what to do with the kids who don't fit in. Their participation in church is severely limited. Our church defines "serving" in a few very specific ways that doesn't include parents who have to care for complicated kids. We need to broaden our definition of "ministry" to ask how we can love not only the nice people who walk through our doors but the complicated people, the misfits, the socially awkward. And maybe the "ministry" to those people isn't always going to happen between 10:30 and 11:30 am on Sunday morning. How can the church support ministry that never shows up in church attendance counts or dollars in the offering plate?

3. Stop this "family first" nonsense. In the Christianity Today interview, Naomi Schaefer Riley says:

"[Members of the millenial generation] long for intimacy, having a close group of friends. I heard 25-year-olds reminiscing about their college years, a time when they were able to live in community and meet spontaneously."

Churches cancel services for holidays so people can spend time with their families. They emphasize the role of parents in Christian formation in the lives of children. They make a point of scheduling services and events at convenient times that won't conflict with family activities. This is fine if every member of the church is part of a large family that provides plenty of support and encouragement for all the members. However, if the church includes other demographics (unmarried young adults with no children, older people with no close family, people who are the only Christian in their family and strongly rely on the support of the church, children or teenagers from non-Christian homes), then putting families first might not be the best idea. I know, I know. Every church loves young families and wants to do everything they can to accommodate them, but just be aware that you may be making choices that alienate millenials. Don't be surprised when you look around and realize that all your young adults are gone.

4. Don't be afraid to let young people lead. Also in the interview:

"There's a complaint that millenials are selfish. But it's a two-way street. If you don't give people responsibility, they will act like children. When they act like children, then you're less likely to give them responsibilities."

I read a conversation in an online forum between one of my fellow seminary graduates and some older church members. He was lamenting his difficulties finding a job post-graduation. One woman responded and said that in her day, people had to pay their dues. They couldn't just walk into a position of leadership right out of school. She suggested he get a job at McDonald's for a few years to gain some life experience. First, I don't actually believe her. Laura Ingalls Wilder became a schoolteacher when she was sixteen (yes, Mom, Laura Ingalls Wilder is relevant to every conversation). In other eras, jobs for young people have been plentiful, and not just the jobs that nobody else wanted. A few years ago, churches were more plentiful and more financially stable. Ministry jobs were just more available. Beyond that, however, many senior pastors started preaching on Sunday nights or in other settings as teenagers. A fifty-year-old pastor could have thirty-five years of preaching experience under his belt. Telling a twenty-five-year-old seminary graduate to work at McDonald's so that he won't be taking a job away from a fifty-year-old pastor means that when that pastor retires in fifteen years, the student will be forty. How can he get his thirty-five years of preaching experience if he doesn't start preaching until he's forty? Many churches have moved to meeting only on Sunday morning, so opportunities for inexperienced pastors are in short supply. Older pastors may need to share their pulpit and other leadership positions both to help young people learn to be leaders and to insure that the church of the future will have competent leaders.

5. Don't sell yourself short. All of these things are aspects of a healthy community. Friends listen to one another. They support each other in their pursuing their passions. They hang out together because they want to; it's not an inconvenience to be carefully scheduled between more important things. Friends recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses; one person is the party-planner, another is the one you go to when you just need to talk to someone. As a millenial (and therefore an expert on this topic), I want to say this to the church: Stop selling yourself short! The message of the Gospel has the power to change lives! The Holy Spirit has the power to heal both physical and emotional wounds! The culture of the church should be one that is unique and distinct because of it's love. Stop expecting all your members to secretly hate church and really wish they were someplace else. We millenials pick up on that! Why would we want to participate in a community everyone secretly hates? Here's the sad thing: if you watch tv, every single beer commercial tries to tell you that if you're drinking you're having an awesome time. People pick up on that narrative and like to talk about their awesome drinking experiences. But the reality is that most people regret some or all of their party days. You know what people don't regret? Being part of a community that loves and supports them, seeing broken relationships healed, learning how to love and be loved. Being needed. Why does the church think it has to compete with popular culture? We offer way more! Let go of your insecurity and just welcome wholeheartedly every person who comes into your life, whether through the doors of the church or in any other setting.

6. Take some responsibility. There seems to be a perception that the millenial generation just sprung up overnight. Where did these young people come from? Why don't they go to church? How can we ever know? Well, they're your kids and grandkids! They're the kids you taught in Sunday School and hung out with in Youth Group. As a millenial, I want to ask the church: what's the deal? Why did you fail my generation? Who dropped the ball? I don't think it does any good to play the blame game, but before you start reading books and articles about millenials, maybe you need to look at your own life, your own church, your own family. Why don't your kids go to church? What happened to that generation? Do you need to do something different to prevent the same thing from happening to the next generation? Does the church need to change? Do you need to change? Kids don't grow up in a vacuum. Sure, there are lots of cultural forces influencing kids, but the church needs to take some ownership of their inability to speak a more powerful message than the cultural forces that lead away from the church. Condemning millenials for their entitlement or their self-focus or their lack of commitment is not going to make us want to come back to church. Honesty about your own selfishness, your own failure to pass on the power of the Gospel, your own insecurities--these are the honest confessions that it would be nice to hear every now and then.

Well, that's a start. Seriously, the interview in Christianity Today says even more great stuff (in fewer words). If you are interested in this topic, you should check it out.

If you agree or don't agree or want to add another thought to the conversation, feel free to leave a comment. I don't consider my blog to be the final word on any topic. It's just a space for me to think out loud a little bit.

Will this kid find a place in the church?