Sitting on the Front Porch

"Sunshine came softly through my window today." - Donovan

I spent the day with two boys: a 7-year-old and an almost 6-month-old.  Considering that I woke up to thunderstorms, and it rained most of the day, we still had a pretty good day.  We went to the library, played board games, watched a movie, and built various ferocious machines and creatures out of Legos.

Now, though, one boy is back with his parents and the other is sleeping.  Rather than write anything extensive, I think I'm going to spend some quiet time sitting on the front porch, enjoying the sun coming through the trees, the smell of recent rain, and the sound of the birds.

The view from my porch

Community

"If each person is joined to another like a limb is joined to a torso, then there is nothing voluntary or occasional about the relationship." - Norman Wirzba

My friend Katie wrote an excellent blog about the difficulty of being left here.  Her friend Maria responded with a blog about the difficulty of leaving here.  She wrote, "Feeling settled seems like the apex of grown-up life."

Now that I am married with a kid, I feel like I should feel settled.

We have small group tonight.  In our mobile, ever-changing society, my husband and I are working hard to find some stability, to find a place where we feel settled.  Finding and making new friends is difficult, but it is even more difficult to reach the place where, as Norman Wirzba wrote, we are joined together like a limb to a torso.

On the other hand, we follow in the footsteps of our father Abraham who "made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God." (Hebrews 11:9-10)

This is a difficult place to be. Created to be part of a body but with hearts that "are restless until they rest in [God]."

Like so many other aspects of Christianity, our lives in community are paradoxical.  We compulsively search for a place to rest, to be joined to others.  But we will not find that place until the coming of God's kingdom.  Until then, we are probably more like Bob the Blob, part of one body that is constantly being separated and rejoined.

 

Image from Youtube.com

Note: this reference may be a little obscure, but once again I find myself writing the blog while watching random tv shows with a 7-year-old 

The Garden

What the human being shares with nature, what we demand from nature and entrust to nature, what we long for and reject, this may all become song and poetry, or music and philosophy, or myth and religion; but in the visible world it must sooner or later become a garden, if it desires to make itself visible at all; and the achievement of visibility - as distinct from simple thinkability, and understandability - is its most irresistible drive, as an inherent part, like all the creative drives of the human race, of the one primordial drive to give birth to structure. - Rudolf Borchardt, The Passionate Gardener

It is getting to be the busiest part of the gardening seasoning.  Last week I had the first spinach and lettuce, some on a sandwich, some in a salad.  I also used the first fresh parsley in some meatloaf tonight.

I've been reading Wendell Berry lately.  In the stories he tells, getting food out of the ground is really, really hard work.  It is a partnership with a very unreliable partner.  It's the guy who shows up late every time except the one time you show up late.  Then he's early and decides to just go ahead without you.  He's sweet and mellow one day, drawing you in and then raging and destructive the next, throwing your trust back in your face.

Fortunately, I'm not dependent on our garden for my livelihood.  So when it snowed in May, I could just take a chance with the tomato plants and hope they survived the cold night.  When it rained buckets right after we planted the lettuce, I just waited until the lettuce plants came up wherever the seeds had landed and transplanted it back into its rows.

Wendell Berry, Barbara Kingsolver, Michael Pollan, Norman Wirzba, and others have convinced me that food matters.  Where we get our food, how we get our food, and how we eat our food all matter.  I would not describe myself as a passionate gardener, but gardening is a way into the bigger picture for me and for our family.  It reminds me that produce doesn't grow on grocery store shelves.  That food takes time, good food takes more time, and the best food should be eaten slowly and appreciatively.

I hope to think and write more about food, but in the meantime, here are some pictures of my garden!

Broccoli emerging out of the leaves

Knockout roses blooming like crazy

Giving Attention to Your Body

"Then one of the soldiers told him, 'Your father [Saul] bound the army under a strict oath, saying, "Cursed be any man who eats food today!" That is why the men are faint.'

Jonathan said, 'My father has made trouble for the country.  See how my eyes brightened when I tasted a little of this honey.  How much better it would have been if the men had eaten today some of the plunder they took from their enemies." - 1 Samuel 14:28-30a

"When the woman came to Saul and saw that he was greatly shaken, she said, 'Look, your maidservant has obeyed you.  I took my life in my hands and did what you told me to do.  Now please listen to your servant and let me give you some food so you may eat and have the strength to go on your way.'

He refused and said, 'I will not eat.'

But his men joined the woman in urging him, and he listened to them.  He got up from the ground and sat on the couch." - 1 Samuel 28:21-23

This morning I woke up grumpy.  I had an idea of what I was going to do today and found out last night that my plans needed to change.  I don't deal with change very well.  I began to pick a fight with my husband.  Fortunately the words to a song by Gomez came into my head:

"Day to day where do you want to be?  Cause now you're trying to pick a fight with everyone you meet."

I thought, where do I want to be?  What is it that I want so badly to do today?  Really, I just wanted to be grumpy.  And maybe go back to sleep.  But then I remembered Saul.

It seemed like Saul was always trying to deal with difficulties by making ridiculous declarations that he wouldn't eat, that his men wouldn't eat, that anyone who ate would die, and so forth.  However, twice, the Bible records that someone had to talk him down from his ledge and say, "For heaven's sake, Saul.  You'd feel better, I'd feel better, we would all feel better if you would just eat a little bit!"*

So I got up and went running.  Because sometimes mental and emotional problems are really physical problems.  Sometimes you just need to get outside and do something.  Sometimes you need to take a minute and eat something.  Sometimes you need to go to bed earlier.  Sometimes you need to get up earlier.

Sometimes you need to take a step back from whatever difficulty is consuming you and think about your body--what are you not doing that needs to be done for you to be healthy?

I feel a lot better now.  I think it's time to eat something.

Here is a video of the Gomez song, "See the World."

Summer Days

Amos and I had a pretty busy day yesterday.  We read our books.  We went to the grocery store and fought with a wayward cart. We went to the park and looked at the roses in the rose garden and the herbs in the texture and smell garden (with signs in braille--what a cool idea!)  We took naps.  We inspected the plants in our garden at home.  We sat outside and watched the cars drive by.  We sat outside and waited for hubby/daddy to come home.  We went to small group and saw our friends.  It's just like Calvin said, summer days sure go by quickly! 

All that to say, I didn't get to the item on my itinerary yesterday that said, "Write blog."  So today I am following Clara's example (author of Maeve's Momma) and writing first thing in the morning.

This weekend is Memorial Day, which is the unofficial beginning of summer.  I am looking forward to more busy days with Amos: going to the pool, going to the zoo, working in the garden, hanging out with our mom/baby friends, reading, sitting on the front porch.  I just hope we can get everything done!

More About Laundry

Women hold up half the sky. - Chinese Proverb

This morning I read my friend's account of her time in Nicaragua.  It was, of course, filled with all the Big Events, the things that change your life.  Because of that, it seemed a little disjointed.  She would tell a story, skip a few days, tell another story, skip a few months.  A story here, a life-changing experience there.  It just made me think about what her story would be like if she did describe every single day.

Day 1: realized that twenty-five years in America did not teach me anything about living in a third-world country.
Day 2: began to learn how to cook, wash clothes, and communicate in another language.
Day 3: continued to learn how to cook, wash clothes, and communicate in another language.
...
Day 459: getting really good at cooking, washing clothes, and communicating in another language.

Of course there are lots of significant events interspersed between cooking, washing, and communicating, but those three activities are what make up the daily lives of women in third-world countries everywhere.  The availability of food and water impact the difficulty of preparing food and washing clothes.  Some women walk a long ways to get water.  Or take their laundry with them to a source of water.  Some women gather fuel for fire to heat food.  Some work in the fields to grow and harvest food.  Most face dangers on a daily basis--everything from predatory animals in the wild to diseases in impure water to people wishing to inflict harm for a variety of reasons.

Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn tells the stories of women from all parts of the world and the dangers they face.  When I read the book, I was horrified by the atrocities committed against women all over the world.  It all seemed so foreign and unimaginable to me. When I watched the movie, however, I was struck by the number of scenes shot everywhere from villages in Asia to rivers in Africa to the urban core of overpopulated cities of women doing laundry and cooking food.

Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is wash clothes, fold clothes, put clothes away, plan meals, buy food for meals, prepare meals, clean up after meals, and then start all over again.  Reading my friend's account of her time in Nicaragua reminded me of how those things are not just an inconvenience for most women, keeping them from their "real" work; they are life and death.  These tasks require hard work, stamina, and creativity.  In some cases, they mean facing danger on a daily basis.

My friend's experience reminded me of the stories that women have to tell. Stories of life lived not around the irritating tasks of cooking food and washing clothes, but through those tasks. As I contemplate another giant pile of laundry and sink full of dishes, it is good to remember that women around the world are doing the same thing today.

Surrounded by piles of laundry

What Janet Benefiel Taught Me about The Kingdom of God

The second memorial service for Janet Benefiel was Saturday.  For the service, Dr. Benefiel, Janet's husband, asked me to read a blog I had previously written.  Ron and Janet moved to California two years ago to be near Janet's family as her cancer progressed, but in the time that I got to know them, their example and their willingness to share their life with so many people meant a lot to me.

This blog was originally posted on the Nazarene Theological Seminary student blog page. 

Last spring, I found out that I was pregnant with my first child.  This discovery evoked a lot of emotions, but one of the strongest was fear.  Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester, so I thought if I could make it through those first three months, I would stop being afraid.  Then I heard about a woman who miscarried at six months.  So six months was the goal.  Then a lady in my birthing class told me about the loss of her baby immediately after birth.  Then I learned about sudden infant death syndrome.  I realized pretty quickly that I had started down a path with potential peril at every turn. 

But my story does not begin there.

I met Janet Benefiel early in my seminary career.  She taught the only Sunday School class at my church.  I loved her enthusiasm for the book of Mark, so I began attending regularly.  It quickly became apparent that Janet’s enthusiasm went beyond biblical studies.  She was enthusiastic about organizing group games, thrift store and estate sale shopping, hosting events, and matchmaking the many single people in our church.  But what she was most enthusiastic about was the coming of God’s kingdom.  I had never met anyone who so thoroughly loved life and was yet so excited for the end of the world.

Growing up in the church, I heard lots about heaven and hell.  I knew that the world could end at any moment, so I needed to “get right” with God every chance I had.  Whenever I found myself unexpectedly alone, I considered the possibility that I had missed the rapture.  My ideas of heaven were vague, but the vividness of the sheep and the goats who said, “But when did we see you hungry?” never left my consciousness.  How could this woman who was so joyful possibly pray with such fervor for the terrifying “Day of the Lord” when we would all be separated and most of us likely condemned?  How could she pray that joyous occasions like marriage and children and graduating from seminary would be preempted by some reincarnation of the city of Jerusalem with fancier architecture?

As I listened to Dr. Benefiel and others at NTS talk about the idea of the already/not yet kingdom of God over and over, I began to see what Janet saw.  The joys of this life so often go hand in hand with deep grief.  We experience the kingdom of God in the joys.  Love, joy, and peace are all fruits of that kingdom.  That is the “already” part.  But God’s kingdom has not been fully established on earth.  Sickness, pain, and death are part of the “not yet” where sin still reigns and creation still groans awaiting redemption.

In the midst of the sometimes overwhelming fear I felt during my pregnancy, I forgot this.  One of my classmates counseled me to just trust God with my baby’s life.  But what about all those stories I had heard of miscarriage and stillbirth?  What about those women?  Did they not trust God, I wondered. 

I was mulling over my lack of faith one day in chapel.  Dr. Busic was in the midst of a series on the Lord’s Prayer, and that day’s message was on the phrase, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”  As I contemplated those words, my eyes were opened.  The healthy birth of my child was God’s will!  God and I are on the same side.  It is sin and death that I was pushing against.

As I watched Janet face the cancer spreading in her body, I began to pray with her--not just for the healing of her body, but for the healing of all things.  I don’t know all the details of the future coming of our Lord, but I do know that the redemption of creation does not include stillborn children or the invasion of cancer.  I will miss Janet Benefiel and her enthusiasm for things like Sunday School and Costco, but I rejoice in the knowledge that she clung to—that there is coming a day when death will be no more, when all things will be made right, when we shall know fully even as we are fully known.

Dr. Noble said in one of his classes that the single most important doctrine pastors can teach their congregations is the already/not yet kingdom.  As I witnessed Janet’s longing and hope for the coming of God’s kingdom in the midst of her cancer and her complete confidence in ultimate victory over the grave, I cannot agree more.  At the birth of my healthy child, I rejoiced in the already, in the way God’s kingdom is present on earth and leaks through the cracks from time to time.  But I can also face my son's future with the certainty that no matter what perils lie ahead, God's kingdom will ultimately be victorious.

 

Ron and Janet at our wedding in 2011.

Peaches and Laundry

Nothing for it but to do it. - Me

I don't really know where I came across that phrase.  Maybe I made it up.  Maybe I heard it from some resident of southern Indiana. I do know when it became an important phrase to me: when I was picking peaches as a summer job.

Every weekday, all summer, I got up in the morning and drove twenty minutes to a peach orchard.  I sat by the barn in the center of the orchard and waited for the owner to give me my assignment for the day.  Sometimes I got to drive the trucks and deliver peaches.  Mostly, though, I just picked peaches.  From eight in the morning until about four or five in the afternoon.  I was not particularly skilled or fast at picking peaches, and the job only lasted a few summers.

One particularly hot afternoon, probably in late July, I began picking in a new row.  I looked down that seemingly unending row of trees, thick with ripe peaches, and I felt tired.  I looked at my watch to see how much time was left in the day.  Way too much, I'm sure.  I realized I could either stand there for the next three hours or I could pick some peaches.  As I started down the row, I told myself, "Nothing for it but to do it."  That became my theme as the summer went on.  One more row, one more tree, one more peach.

Now, after the anxiety of the approaching end of the semester, the excitement of graduation, and the exhaustion that followed, I find myself yet again looking at a long row of ripe peaches, only this time, the task ahead of me is laundry.  And dishes.  And feeding the baby, dressing the baby, changing the baby's diapers, clothing the baby, putting the baby to sleep.  Again, there's nothing for it but to do it.

I am tempted to play the "if only" game.  If only my church would hire me.  If only I had another class to take.  If only I lived in Indiana, closer to my family.  If only our car was not in the shop and I had a vehicle.

But in truth, I actually liked picking peaches most of the time.  I liked being outside.  I liked seeing the miracle of tasty, juicy peaches emerging from among the leaves.  I liked the people I worked with.  I liked driving the trucks through the orchard and around the area, delivering peaches.

And I like having a baby.  He's pretty much the cutest thing ever.  And I don't hate laundry or dishes.  More importantly, I like having clean clothes and clean plates.  It is not the tasks themselves that are so difficult; it is the fear that nothing will ever change.  That this row will last forever, that this day will last forever, that this stage of life will last forever.

One of my friends reminded me the other day of the need for mindfulness, of being present.  The title of Eugene Peterson's excellent book comes to mind: A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.  Eventually the end of peach season comes.  (All the peaches never get picked; you just move on.)  Eventually, I will have other opportunities, other jobs, and a baby who walks.

In the meantime, I will wash one more set of sheets, put one more spoon in the dishwasher, and feed the baby one more time.

I will also enjoy watching the mama robin who has built a nest in the hanging plant on our porch.  I will listen to Adrian Plass (thanks, Mom!) and laugh as he delivers the announcements and prays over cabbage.  I will read The Hunger Games all day without feeling guilty about what I should be reading instead.  I will make up endless verses about exactly what Old MacDonald's farm contained.  I will get together with friends and play games, and I will plan parties on the back patio.  I will play ultimate frisbee every Saturday afternoon and cherish the opportunity to run around in the sunshine with friends (and hopefully win more often than not).

As they say, "Nothing for it but to do it."

Gratitude

Thanksgiving is the power that transforms desire and satisfaction, love and possession, into life, that fulfills everything in the world, given to us by God, into knowledge of God and communion with him. - Alexander Schmemann

Today is my husband's birthday, which is a good time to remember how thankful I am for him. I fell in love with him almost as soon as I met him, and I couldn't believe it when we started dating eight months later.  I was so in awe of him then--his ability to listen so fully to others, his knowledge of so many things, his fearlessness when confronted, his strength to carry the burdens of so many as they poured out their hearts to him, his childlike joy at the silliest things, and his impeccable taste in music and paint colors.

Now that we have been married for just over two years, almost exactly three years from when we started dating, I still can't believe how lucky I am.  I remain in awe of him.  He is a wonderful husband and such a loving father to our baby boy.  He changed every diaper for at least the first two weeks after the baby was born.  He got up in the middle of the night with him.  He soothed him when he cried.  He tactfully turned away visitors I didn't feel up to seeing. I don't know what I would have done without his calm in the midst of the storm of life with a newborn.

I am grateful for the blessing that he is in my life and I look forward to celebrating a lot more birthdays with him.

Graduation

"Higher education serves a crucial common good in fostering breadth, depth, complexity, and richness in all dimensions of social, cultural, political, and economic life.  What is ultimately the most important question about college education is, therefore, not what students can 'do with it,' in immediate and practical terms, but rather what college education does to its students deeply and broadly.  It is about expanding people's horizons and depths of understanding, engaging students with the big questions that matter most in life, giving them tools to think and learn and communicate well, and passing on the richness of scientific and humanistic inquiry and understanding.

...

The most important payoffs of college education do not concern career promotions and higher salaries.  They have to do with forming thoughtful, critical, appreciative, careful, capable, and interesting family members, neighbors, citizens, workers, leaders, teachers, artists, researches, and friends.  In short, the truly important product of higher education is better people not bigger promotions and paychecks. " - Christian Smith, Lost in Transition

Sunday's graduation marked the end of a significant stage of life for me.  The above quotation from Christian Smith's book about the lack of vision for education that has been past down to the generation he calls "emerging adults" has stuck with me since I read it last fall for an anthropology course.

When I announced the completion of my final paper on Facebook, someone congratulated me, saying that "my hard work had paid off."  My first thought was, "How has it paid off?"  I don't have a job in my field or otherwise.  I am struggling to find ways to participate in my church.  My education makes me overly critical of what happens but has not opened any doors to participation beyond the same opportunities available to someone who has been attending for a few months.  I am now among the increasingly bitter, over-educated, under-employed young adults.

However, Christian Smith's conviction that education is about more than a job, about more than what it can do for me has challenged my tendency toward bitterness.  Education is a gift.  The ability to think critically, to understand complex ideas, to experience the world through the lens of others as I read--these things have the potential to bring forth joy as I experience the world.  And, as Christian Smith said, they make me a better wife and mother, neighbor and congregant.

I am looking forward to what opportunities may come my way, some inevitably as a result of my education.  But for now, a few days out from graduation, I am looking forward to reading more fully some of the works I've come across during my time in seminary, to going to the zoo with the baby on sunny days, to connecting with friends and sharing what I have learned and am continuing to learn.  I am looking forward to enjoying the freedom that comes with Paul Ricoeur's "second naivete,"  which the graduation speaker encouraged us to embrace, moving beyond the "desert of criticism" to be "called again."

What Are You Waiting For?

"...if you used to love writing, painting, dancing, singing, whatever, but you stopped doing it when you had kids or began a strenuous career, then you have to ask yourself if you are okay about not doing it anymore." - Anne Lamott (Facebook post)

I am currently watching Camp Rock, a Disney original movie, starring Demi Lovato.  I just finished Lemonade Mouth, the story of a high school band that formed in detention.  These are the choices of my 10-year-old niece (who just handed me a personalized, handmade duct tape bracelet). She is here with her grandparents for the weekend.  And even though I have to admit that I kind of like those cheesy Disney musical movies, this is a preview of my future.  Eventually the baby will stop sleeping for most of the day and lying around while he is awake.  Eventually he is going to take a LOT of time and attention.

Writing is not necessarily the thing that I most want to do with my life, but as this blog-writer says about her cycling hobby, "Cycling is one of the few pre-children identity-holdovers that I've kept since becoming a mother." Writing is that hobby for me right now.  (Ultimate frisbee is another pre-children hobby, but I can't help feeling like it might not last all that long.  Also it is highly dependent on the weather.)

Well, I'm pretty into this Camp Rock movie, so I'm done writing, and I might be done for the weekend.  But I will be back at it on Monday.  Because, as Anne Lamott wrote, "What are you waiting for?"

PS You should follow Anne Lamott on Facebook.  She writes great stuff!

The Internet Made Me Do It

Over the past few weeks, I've been contemplating post-graduation life.  Most of my life will continue on unchanged.  I will still be a stay at home mom.  I will still be married to the most wonderful man in the world.  I will still spend a good part of my day at home, keeping the baby in his routine and doing miscellaneous chores.  Hopefully, the weather will eventually turn warm and sunny, and we can go to the zoo sometimes but mostly life will continue on as before.

However, even though my life will not change that much after Saturday, as long as I was in school, that was what I was Doing. 

As in,

"What do you Do?" 

"I'm a student." 

What is my answer to that question now?  Being a stay at home mom is perfectly acceptable.  But I want my life to be bigger than the 1500 square feet of my house.  I want to think about Things.  I want to have Ideas.  At the minimum, I want to be able to talk about more than today's guest on Ellen, that cool thing on Pinterest, and the color of my baby's poop, so people will still invite me to their parties.

The Internet, in all its wisdom, directed me here, back to my long-neglected blog.  First I saw a link that my friend Emily posted on Facebook to an essay called Why You Should Write Daily.  The author didn't suggest that you might suddenly become a famous author with a movie deal if you write everyday.  Rather, he wrote things like,

• "Writing helps you reflect on your life."
• "Writing clarifies your thinking." 
• "Writing is a good skill to have in our digital age."

And other such mundane things. I realized that any fool could put a few words on a page.  And if nothing else, writing regularly will make me more articulate and give me one more skill to bring to whatever challenges come my way.

Even more exciting, he wrote: "Writing regularly forces you to solve the very important problem of where to get ideas."

I appreciate that he classified finding ideas as A Very Important Problem. He suggested that the solution is to pay attention.  I am hoping that writing regularly will help me pay attention--to the articles I read in magazines and on Facebook, to both the funny and profound things people say, to the tedium and wonder of being a mom, to surprisingly good recipes, and to whatever else crosses my path.

I have written what I was told to write in response to what I was told to read for the last four years.  Now, I have the wonderful gift of creative license.  I can write about anything I want!  I can learn about anything I want!  The overwhelming feeling that produces in me is captured by one of my favorite comics ever, here. I especially like these two frames*:

What will happen now?  Will I write about wookies and mermaids? Will I write about ontology and epistemology? We'll see, but no matter what, I will write something.

The internet had more to say on this topic, which I will reference on another day (probably tomorrow).  But for now, what I am Doing is writing.  Not because I will ever be a great novelist and not because I can't not write.  But because I want to be a better person.  I want to think about things beyond the four walls of my house.  And I want to stick my mitt out and catch some of those things.



*This whole comic is funny and spot on.  Another great line: "We need to add comments to EVERY page on our website to create a community because ... community!"

The End of Deadlines

"I love deadlines and the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

"Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out." - Michael Burke

I love deadlines and the whooshing sound they make, but I don't let them fly by. When a paper is due, at the last moment, something inside me takes over and suddenly, I spring into action.  The reading and the lectures begin to coalesce into something like an idea.  I write, stop and think, read, check out some other sources, write some more, think some more, etc. until a ten or twenty page paper begins to take shape, 3,000 or 5,000 words emerge out of my fingertips.  As the clock ticks away and the deadline nears, I nervously watch the word count approach the goal.

I wrote my last paper a few days ago and attended my last class yesterday.  I suddenly find myself without deadlines.  Of course the laundry needs to be done, the house cleaned, food cooked, and the baby fed.  All of those have to be done eventually.  But I am never frantically washing dishes, watching the clock on the wall as it approaches midnight.  And when the dishes are done, they are the same old dishes.  Nothing is created.  Nothing new emerges out of seemingly random pieces that were smashed together under pressure.

The whole process feels like that split second in baseball when you see the ball come off the bat and head in a line drive straight toward you.  You don't stop to contemplate why the ball is heading towards you, the socially appropriate response to the ball, or what the ball may be thinking about you.  You just act.  Long before your head has figured out what to do, you throw up your glove in front of your face and catch that ball.

I am going to miss the pressure of a deadline, the whooshing sound it makes as it almost flies by, and the thrill of sticking out my mitt at the last minute and catching it.

Reflections on Today's Torah portion: Ki Tavo (Deut. 26:1 - 29:8)

I went to synagogue this morning. That was quite the experience but I'll leave that for another place and time. :-)

I was reading Wanderings: Chaim Potok's History of the Jews this afternoon. It just so happened that I picked up right with the historical setting of the writing of Deuteronomy. I thought I might share some of what he says here.

The Assyrian empire was dominating most of the civilized world at that time. The lands they hadn't taken over, they had forced to become "vassals" meaning the leaders had to sign a treaty declaring their allegiance and a huge portion of their income to Assyria. Obviously, a lot of nations were resentful of the Assyrians, so rebellion was always lurking right beneath the surface.

King Hezekiah, at the prompting of Isaiah, refused to take either option. Judah neither accepted Assyria's demand that they sign a vassal treaty nor allied with the rebels. King Hezekiah, instead, rebuilt the temple and declared allegiance to God. Through a miraculous series of events, Jerusalem was seized and then abandoned by the Assyrians, and Hezekiah was able to rule in peace.

His son, Manasseh, as you probably know, was a terrible king. The Assyrians never forced their religion or culture on the nations they conquered, but Manasseh willfully embraced them. He "paganized Judah with a conviction fed by tenacity and will." Pagan worship abounded. Manasseh also ignored Isaiah's warnings and signed a treaty to be a vassal to Assyria.

Eventually, Manasseh died and Josiah became king. He turned back to God. When he asked that the scribes bring the scroll to him and read, it was Deuteronomy that they read. They "found" it (or brought what was written during Hezekiah's reign out of hiding where it had been while Manasseh was king). Rather than merely directing that people turn their hearts to God rather than the gods of the Assyrians, Josiah (through the reading of Deuteronomy) centralized the worship of the people. He ordered the destruction of all places of worship outside of Jerusalem.

In rejecting the religion and culture of the Assyrians, the people were publicly declaring their allegiance to YHWH rather than the Assyrians. This was an act of war.

According to Chaim Potok, "this treaty [Deuteronomy] forever changed the relationship of the people to YHWH." I especially like this statement:
"Cultic allegiance began to shift from the local sacrificial altars, which were everywhere in the land, to the temple in Jerusalem. Since more of the tribe of Judah lived outside Jerusalem, this reform made possible the ultimate allegiance to a mode of worship whose focus was a book, the covenant, and a liturgy devoid of the act of sacrifice."

This morning, as I sat through an impossibly long recitation in Hebrew of blessings and curses, I wondered where this all came from. I like Chaim Potok's answer. This is a people signing a treaty with their god that declares their allegiance to none other than YHWH. It is a declaration of who they are ("my father was a wandering Aramean") and the consequences greater than any enemies can exact, both negative and positive, of staying true to that declaration.

What became of Josiah's act of war against the Assyrians? This scroll was "discovered" in 622 B.C. By 605 B.C., through internal strife and external attacks, the Assyrian empire had been utterly destroyed. A few hundred years later, when Alexander the Great came through the land, his army marched just a few miles south of what had been their wealthiest city without even knowing it had been there.

Them there words is powerful stuff, I'd say.

This is Jill's (and it is brilliant)

(Marissa mentioned that she'd been reading Isaiah 53 with fresh eyes. Beyond just being a description of Jesus, this chapter literally is talking about the Servant of the Lord. This passage is a kind of blueprint for anyone who wants to serve God. With that understand, I re-wrote and paraphrased the chapter.)


What does it mean to be the servant of the Lord?

Be the evidence of life
growing in the middle of death.
Forget about beauty or using your appearance
to attract people to you.

Be prepared to be hated and rejected
Brace yourself for suffering, make pain your friend.
People will think you are nothing
and look away when you are near.

But for those same people -
take their pain and suffering on yourself.
Even though they will say that your torture
if a punishment from God.

God with help you hurt.
Let the evil of others beat you down
for the sake of their peace. Accept their just punishment
it will heal them.

Everyone thinks he knows what is best
for his own life
Yet everyone misses the mark.
If you would be the servant of God
The price for this failure to do what is right
you will take on yourself.

And you will not complain
Though you are abused
exiled
stepped on
harassed
ridiculed
killed.

And you will be.

Who will stand up for you?
You will be all but invisible, as if you were already dead
All this
for the people God loves.

After you are cheated out of what's fair
over and over
- even though you have done nothing wrong -
You'll be buried with the wicked and the rich

The God you serve wants this for you.
But because you allowed Him to make your life
an offering for sin
You will see your legacy
You will cause good to flourish.

In the end
You will see the light of life
and it will have all been worth it.
What you know will allow others to live
because you have taken their sins on yourself.

God will not turn away from you
He sees you
As much as your life is poured out
so the spoils of heaven and earth will pour on you,
because you stood in the way
of destruction
for people who neither deserved it
nor cared about you at all

Become one of them.
Save them.

Mishpatim

From a teaching by Rabbi Boruch Leff entitled God Knows Best...

In Exodus 21, the Jews agree to do and to hear God's command to them...without even knowing all of it! How foolish! No one signs a contract (no wise person anyway) without first reading it. Rabbi Leff says, though, that when you make a promise to God, you make a promise you know you can fulfill and will be in your best interest:

You don't have to ask God for details if He is making you an offer. You trust that God has your best interests in mind, and you know that saying "yes" to God, without knowing any of the details, is the only compelling course of action.

I especially like that phrase, "the only compelling course of action." This is why I put this on my blog here and now. Even though I don't know what the other side looks like, I am leaving my life in Denver behind and moving forward to seminary in Kansas City because "saying 'yes' to God...is the only compelling course of action." There is nothing better I can do, no higher purpose to propel my life torward.

So here goes nothing.

I will soar on wings like eagles, which is to say falling into nothing and trusting the wind to carry me upwards.

Life Together Chapter 1

I'm reading Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you don't know, the dude was intense. Tons of people wanted him to stay safe, so he could continue his writing, but he chose to return to his home in Nazi Germany because he felt like that's where God was calling him to go. He was put in a concentration camp and shot less than a month before the Germans surrendered to the Allies. So when he talks about Life Together, he's serious. He says some great things I wanted to share with you. Here are some of the highlights of the first chapter.

We have community through and in Jesus Christ.
That's what it's all about. Nothing more than a bunch of people seeking to follow a man who lived in Galilee a long time ago. Nothing less than a bunch of people seeking to give away their lives in service to the creator of the universe, through whom nothing is impossible. Above all, this is what we have in common: lives that have been and are being redeemed. "Not what a man is in himself as a Christian, his spirituality and piety, constitutes the basis of our community. What determines our brotherhood is what that man is by reason of Christ. Our community with one another consists solely in what Christ has done to both of us."

Because this is who we are (nothing more, nothing less), "we thank God for what He has done for us. We thank God for giving us brethren who live by His call, by His forgiveness, and His promise...And is not what has been given us enough: brothers, who will go on living with us through sin and need under the blessing of His grace?...Even when sin and misunderstanding burden the communal life, is not the sinning brother still a brother, with whom I, too, stand under the Word of Christ?"

Our community is not a collection of people who have shared hobbies or habits; it is a community of people who stand under the Word of Christ even when it's hard or uncomfortable - for us or for the people who have to put up with us.

And "If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ."

This community is not an ideal but a divine reality.
This isn't something we come up with in our heads. In fact, Bonhoeffer says that is the greatest danger, "the danger of confusing Christian brotherhood with some wishful idea of religious fellowship, of confounding the natural desire of the devout heart for community with the spiritual reality of Christian brotherhood."

He goes on to say, "Innumerable times a whole Christian community has broken down because it had sprung from a wish dream. The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God's grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves...Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God's sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both."

We're not called to live in a place that is not real. Maybe by its very realness, we learn to live the life that God is calling us to - even when we are outside of the church where selfishness, insincerity, divisiveness, gossip, slander, backstabbing, etc. abound.

The difference between what's happening outside the church and inside is the presence of God. Not to say that God is not present outside the church, but there is something powerful that happens when even two or three people are gathered together seeking God. "Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate."

This community is not a human but a spiritual reality.
Sometimes that is hard. We - in good faith - really want to help people. But, we in our humanness simply cannot save others:
"As only Christ can speak to me in such a way that I may be saved, so others, too, can be saved only by Christ himself. This means that I must release the other person from every attempt of mine to regulate, coerce, and dominate him with my love. The other person needs to retain his independence of me; to be loved for what he is, as one for whom Christ became man, died, and rose again, for whom Christ bought forgiveness of sins and eternal life...[Spiritual love] will not seek to move others by all too personal, direct influence, by impure interference in the life of another...It will rather meet the other person with the clear Word of God and be reay to leave him alone with this Word for a long time, willing to release him again in order that Christ may deal with him."

And so we are called to pray for one another: "Thus this spiritual love will speak to Christ about a brother more than to a brother about Christ." How difficult is that?

Conclusion
"There is probably no Christian to whom God has not given the uplifting experience of genuine Christian community at least once in his life. But in this world such experiences can be no more than a gracious extra beyond the daily bread of Christian community life. We have no claim upon such experiences, and we do not live with other Christians for the sake of acquiring them. It is not the experience of Christian brotherhood that holds us together, but solid and certain faith in brotherhood that holds us together. That God has acted and wants to act upon us all, this we see in faith as God's greatest gift, this makes us glad and happy, but it also makes us ready to forego all such experiences when God at times does not grant them. We are bound together by faith, not experience."

Lyrics from track 3 on my new cd

(Thanks, Dad, for the Amazon gift card.)

Revival
By Robin Mark

As sure as gold is precious and the honey sweet
So You love this city and You love these streets
Every child out playing by their own front door
Every baby laying on the bedroom floor
Every dreamer dreaming in their dead-end job
Every driver driving through the rush hour mob
I feel it in my spirit feel it in my bones
You're going to send revival, bring them all back home

I can hear that thunder in the distance
It's like a train on the edge of the town
I can feel the brooding of Your spirit
Lay your burdens down
Lay your burdens down

From the preacher preaching when the well is dry
To the lost soul reaching for a higher high
From the young man working through his hopes and fears
To the widow walking through the veil of tears
Every man and woman, every old and young
Every father's daughter every mother's son
I feel it in my spirit feel it in my bones
You're going to send revival, bring them all back home

Finally...

After only 1 month, I have the internet. I can now post.

So here's what I'm reading from which to draw my unoriginality:
Wanderings: History of the Jews by Chaim Potok
Exodus
Acts

As I read these three books together, I can't help but be overwhelmed by the history of the Jews-- "a kingdom of priests and a holy nation." (Exodus 19:6) You never really hear much about Moses' father, but that doesn't stop Moses from saying, "My father's God was my helper; he saved me from the sword of Pharoah." (18:2) Peter says in Acts, "The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of our fathers, has glorified his servant Jesus." (3:13) I am reminded of Walter Bruggeman, who says, "In listening, moreover, Israel knows it must cease to listen to the voice of Pharaoh that defined reality in terms of brick quotas. In listening, Israel comes to the startling, dangerous conviction that its life consists not in bricks for the empire, but in acts of neighborliness whereby Israel replicates Exodus for its neighbors." (The Church as Counterculture, p. 45)

Chaim Potok says of this history, "It was a history rich with ideas, hallowed by martyrs, characterized by a familial intimacy with God and a tenacious fixing of the eyes upon the promised future." (p. 2) My prayer devotional Bible says of Acts 1:14, "Waiting is not passively allowing time to pass until the promise comes; it is a vigorous laying hold of what is promised, a living into the future."

The Israelites live continually with one eye upon the past and the other upon the future. They are a people who know where they've come from and where they're going. They live into that future. As Peter says to the crippled beggar, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." (Acts 3:6) Walk into the future. Walk with one eye upon the risen man Jesus and one eye upon the promise of new life to come. Walk into a future that is already but not yet. Walter Wink says, "Prayer infuses the air of a time yet to be into the suffocating atmosphere of the present." (The Powers that Be, p. 185)

May we learn from the Jews to be ever aware of our history...our history of a God who says, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 13:13-14) A God who, as Tim Green says, promises a child to a barren woman and land to a nomad. With this God behind us, we can walk with faith as he breaks into the future before us.