Scale Musings

"The times, they are a-changin'." - Bob Dylan

I weighed myself this morning. My weight has not deviated more than one pound in either direction since about two weeks since Amos was born. I've heard that breastfeeding consumes an additional 500 calories each day and that many women have trouble maintaining a healthy weight while breastfeeding. I have not struggled with that particular difficulty. I have exercised, attempted to eat healthy, joined a gym, run with my husband, and tried to be generally more active. I have also eaten terribly at other times and spent whole weekends watching tv. None of these activities has generated more than a one pound weight loss or gain. I am blown away by my body's stubbornness in clinging to this certain number on the scale.

Changing leaves with beautiful fall skies

As I look out my window, I see the leaves beginning to change colors. Amos is changing everyday too, constantly learning to do new things. My marriage is always changing as we navigate the ups and downs of daily life. My experience of being a stay-at-home-mom is changing as I meet other moms and take on new projects.

Beyond that, there are rumors of big changes in the works for the seminary, including a possible relocation and partnership with another school. If the school moves forward with this possibility, my life will change even more dramatically. We will have to choose between following the seminary and starting over in a new city or staying here but starting over with a new job, house, and community.

While it is frustrating to see the exact same number on the scale every single morning, I am oddly reassured by my body's unwillingness to relinquish its reserves. A fellow breastfeeding mom told me that women's bodies are hesitant to let go of stores as long as we are responsible for nourishing another person. I like the idea that nature is cautious and deliberate in the midst of change. I also like the idea that my body seems to have an inner compass that is navigating uncharted territory reliably and wisely.

As the leaders responsible for making decisions for the seminary contemplate its future, I pray that they will likewise be cautious and deliberate, not too eager to relinquish things that some may consider excess baggage on the journey. I pray that they will trust in things unseen and even previously untapped that will provide wisdom and insight for possibilities never before considered.

I also give thanks for the things that stay the same in the midst of change. God's mercies may be new every morning, but their presence is as reliable as the coming of the morning. I am thankful for my husband's steadfast love for me. I am thankful for the many supportive communities we have been so fortunate to be part of and that continue to support us. I am thankful for the familiar sight of leaves changing and the fresh, crisp fall air, which will lead into the cold days of winter and then into the new life of spring.

I will also be happy if eventually my weight moves out of the "unchanging" category, but in the meantime, I am grateful for the blessing of good health and resilience.

I can't believe Amos was this little just a few months ago!