Dear Diary...

A few weeks ago, I was preparing for a sermon and was having a difficult time really getting into the world of the Scripture. I wrote these diary entries from the perspective of a maidservant to get started. See how quickly you can figure out which biblical characters are represented in this story!

Image source: michaelfairchild.com

Dear diary,

We left home so quickly! My mistress didn’t waste any time getting away from her greedy, conniving brother (not that I blame her!) As her servant, I traveled with her to meet her new husband. When we saw him walking in the field, she knew right away that he was the one. He walked with a great heaviness, as though his heart was already broken. Yet, as I have gotten to know him, I’ve discovered that his eyes betray a laugh that hovers around the edges. It’s as though he sees the world as a strangely ironic place—full of both harsh realities and unexpected joys. And any given situation, no matter how predictable, can always surprise you. I have never seen my mistress so happy! These are good days…of love and laughter and hope for the future. I can’t wait to see the children that will come from this marriage!

Dear diary,

It’s been ten years now. The future once looked so bright, but now no children have come. She is barren, the worst of all curses that can befall a woman. This strange family doesn’t have any gods, either. We should have taken some of the idols when we left. How is a woman supposed to conceive without praying to the idols?! Sure, their god may make the rains come and the crops grow, but everyone knows that one god can’t do everything! I fear for my mistress and for our future. Surely she will send me to her husband’s bed soon. Otherwise, all of our lives will surely end in poverty and misfortune with no children to carry us into the future.

Dear diary,

Twenty years! Twenty years these foolish people have been praying to an invisible god who never answers. All of us servants know they’re crazy. When the gods don’t respond, sometimes you have to help them out a bit! I guess we’ll all die in this barren land together.

Dear diary,

I cannot believe my ears! My mistress is pregnant. So many seasons have come and gone, plantings and harvests, generation after generation of new herds—all with no change. And now—I don’t know how—she’s pregnant! Their god has answered their prayers after all these years. I may still prefer the quick response of the idols, but they have never been known to open a barren womb after twenty years!

Dear diary,

Oh, the cruelty of the god these people serve! My mistress is in so much pain. We fear she may lose the baby after all. Every day, she lays in the tent on her mat, her quiet moans interspersed with pain-filled screams. There is nothing we can do to relieve either her pain or her fear. Oh, if only we had the idols now!

Dear diary,

I accompanied my mistress on a strange journey today. It was dangerous at this late stage in her pregnancy, but in the end, it proved to be worth the risk. She went into a tent I had never seen before, and when she came out, her whole countenance had changed. The lines of pain and worry that had become etched in her face these last few months were gone. I don’t know what happened in there, but she seems peaceful now. We can all still see her occasionally stand still and gasp in pain, but her fear is gone.

Dear diary,

Twins! She delivered twins! No wonder she has had so much pain! Even as they were born, they were struggling—fighting over which would come out first. Oh, the gods be praised! Now this family will grow in strength and prosperity and our future is secure!

Dear diary,

I fear, yet again, for the future of our new family. Red, the older boy, who will lead us, sickens me. He comes in from the hunt, covered in blood, and rips the raw meat off the bones of his prey with his teeth right in front of us. His father eats it up. He loves seeing that disgusting display of raw strength. He thinks Red is just the man to father a whole horde of children. Heel, the younger boy, is so quiet. I can’t imagine him leading us either. My mistress adores him, but it really doesn’t matter what she thinks. Red is our future. Oh, how I dread that day, when he will take charge!

Dear diary,

I hear rumors that Red has given up his birthright! Praise be to the gods, but how can this be? Heel is so weak. He could not possibly have threatened Red or beat him in a contest of strength. I don’t know, but the invisible god of these people seems to be mysteriously at work in this family. The future always belongs to the oldest and the strongest, though. Even with the birthright, it will be a day I will never forget if Heel yet becomes the head of this family.

Read Genesis 25 to see this story told in its original  context and then the rest of Genesis to see how it all turns out!

Why Small Churches Can't Find Pastors: A Hypothesis

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." - Jesus

According to a recent article by Keith Schwanz, sixteen percent of Nazarene pastors in USA/Canada received no compensation for their services in 2013. 42 percent reported an annual income from their congregation of less than $25,000.

While the question of appropriate compensation for pastors, especially in struggling congregations, is an important one, I want to consider a bigger question: what is the church teaching her young people about wealth? Furthermore, how is this affecting the willingness of young people to accept ministerial positions in the many small churches throughout the United States?

In a viral blogpost, Dave Ramsey quoted Tim Corley's list of 20 Things the Rich Do Everyday. While the post received both positive and negative feedback, Dave Ramsey remains one of the most influential voices in the realm of evangelical economics. I think it is safe to say that his perspective is shared by a good number of the people sitting in the pews on any given Sunday.

At the risk of oversimplification, I would like to sum up that perspective in one sentence: your income is your choice.

Why would someone choose poverty? In my experience, the general answer to that question in evangelical circles is simple: laziness. Ronald Reagan popularized the term "welfare queen," referring to a woman in Chicago whose yearly income from government "handouts" totaled over $150,000. Why work for a living when you can just get free stuff from the government?

In the words of one article on the topic: "The 'welfare queen' became a convenient villain, a woman everyone could hate. She was a lazy black con artist, unashamed of cadging the money that honest folks worked so hard to earn."

I heard from the pulpit of my own church just a few weeks ago about the injustice of the welfare system and those who take advantage of it. In other words, those con artists who unashamedly live off the taxes levied on the money that honest folks work so hard to earn.

So poor people are too lazy to work and also have no qualms about milking the system to get every penny they can out of the hands of honest, hard-working folk.

This topic is weighing heavily on my mind because last week a little five-year-old boy was accidentally shot through the wall of the apartment where he lived with his family just a few blocks from my house. It wasn't intentional violence. A gun was misfired in the apartment next door and suddenly his family found themselves in the emergency room praying for the life of their little boy.

But he deserved it, right? His family deserved it, right? They deserved it for choosing to be poor and living in low-income, unsafe housing. They were probably stealing money from us hardworking folks anyway, so if he doesn't make it, that's one less mouth for the government to feed.

Back to the pastors who receive little to no compensation for their work. Huffington Post published a list of 20 Things the Poor Really Do Every Day. This list includes things like search for affordable housing, subsist on poor quality food, work longer and harder than most of us, and live with chronic pain. These are not easy obstacles to overcome for sure, but in the case of poorly-paid pastors, they also receive the indirect condemnation of their congregation for not being industrious enough to avoid these difficulties.

The message goes something like this: Pastors shouldn't rely on food stamps; they should trust God to provide for their daily needs. Pastors shouldn't need decent housing; they should trust God to protect them in unsafe situations. Pastors shouldn't fight for affordable healthcare; they should trust God to heal their physical ailments.

While many older pastors were raised with a different mindset about poverty that did not equate lack of income with lack of character, what choices will the coming generation make?

Here are some examples of choices they might make:
1. I want to instill good values in my children. I want to take time to read to them and play with them. Therefore, I don't want to work more than one job, and I don't want to work more than 40 hours each week.

2. I want to live in safe housing in a safe neighborhood. Therefore, I cannot accept a position that does not pay me enough that I can afford a mortgage payment on a good house.

3. I will never accept "government handouts." I also want my family to eat a nutritionally-sound diet. Therefore, I cannot accept a position that does not pay enough for me to buy higher-priced, high-quality fresh food. I should not have to choose between food that is good for my family and other necessary expenses.

4. I want my kids to be involved in sports, the arts, and other extracurricular programs. Therefore, I cannot accept a job that demands unreasonable hours from me and also does not pay enough to afford the programs I want my kids to experience.

Whether you agree with these specific values or not, the bigger message is, "your income is your choice." If a church offers an aspiring pastor less than $25,000 per year, it's easy to say, "No, thank you. That's not the income I choose." And to say, furthermore, "If I accept that income, I will be perceived as lazy and dishonest (whether I am or not) for the lifestyle that income forces on me."

As long as church-goers are among those who equate lack of income with lack of character, I expect to see the list of small churches who can't find pastors increasing more and more every year. I also expect to see young people pursuing higher-paying jobs in other industries where they can afford the lifestyle that Dave Ramsey and so many other evangelical Christians consider not only normal, but ethical.

After all, why can't we store up treasure on earth and in heaven, right?

We all need time to read!

Help! I need somebody!

"Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face.
Just don't turn away."
- By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North

All right. I admit it. I'm not very good at the whole consistency thing. In my defense, I took a class during the spring semester, and that took up a lot of my limited computer time. But now it's summer and my class is long over,so...enough excuses. Time for a new blog post!

This is going to be a confessional blog. If you're not into that sort of thing, just stop reading right now.

I just finished listening to an excellent sermon my mom sent me. (Here's the link if you're interested.) The speaker made two points: I need help and I can help. We all need help and we all can help.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is a tricky thing. Nobody makes you get up in the morning and go some place. Nobody pays you if you do your job. And nobody threatens to stop paying you if you don't do anything at all. The punishment/reward system of school and jobs that most of us have spent a good portion of our lives learning is suddenly gone. What's left is an endless string of days full of both tedium and unpredictability--the tedium of repetitive tasks like laundry and dishes and the unpredictability of the many moods of a child.

On a side note: who thought it was a good idea that gums should have feeling in them? (I'm looking at you here, God.) It seems unnecessarily cruel that kids should have the skin inside their mouth sliced open by each sharp, pointy tooth that comes through! I would be grumpy about that too!

Anyway, one of the unfortunate aspects of our culture is our isolation. We all live in our single-family homes and drive our single-family cars on our single-family outings. This was fine when I went to work and had roommates and generally lived out in the world. But now that I live most of my days in my home, I feel the reality of our isolated lives full force.

What I want to say is this: I need help.

But I'm not even sure how.

Here are another few lines from a song:

"Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I'm in?
My hands, they shake; my head, it spins.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Three words that became hard to say:
I and Love and You."
- I and Love and You, The Avett Brothers

I find that the more isolated I am, the more isolated I become. The more I withdraw, the more I want to withdraw. When I don't talk to anyone all day, I don't want to talk to anyone. I skip out on opportunities to interact with people. The more cleanly I draw the boundaries in my own life, the more the messiness of other people's lives becomes overwhelming.

So, like the Avett Brothers, I'm saying, "Please take me in, but are you aware the shape I'm in?"

And I'm trying to follow the advice of Tenth Avenue North: Stop trying to earn grace, and whatever you do, don't turn away.

I need help!

On the other side of the coin, I've had some wonderful opportunities to preach this summer, and I find that as I honestly wrestle with my isolation and loneliness, with my weaknesses and struggle, I can help. I can preach sermons that are real, that enter into the brokenness, that ask hard questions. I can recognize grief and loss in the biblical narrative.

And having a kid whose face lights up every single time he sees me, helps me recognize joy and the miracles of God's good creation.

I think that is a part of God's gracious direction in our lives. Not only does he call us where we are gifted, but in responding to that calling, he redeems both our suffering and our joy. He takes all the things that make up our lives and enfolds it into the work he gives us.

So, that's where I'm at right now. I need help and I can help.