Help! I need somebody!

"Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face.
Just don't turn away."
- By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North

All right. I admit it. I'm not very good at the whole consistency thing. In my defense, I took a class during the spring semester, and that took up a lot of my limited computer time. But now it's summer and my class is long over,so...enough excuses. Time for a new blog post!

This is going to be a confessional blog. If you're not into that sort of thing, just stop reading right now.

I just finished listening to an excellent sermon my mom sent me. (Here's the link if you're interested.) The speaker made two points: I need help and I can help. We all need help and we all can help.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is a tricky thing. Nobody makes you get up in the morning and go some place. Nobody pays you if you do your job. And nobody threatens to stop paying you if you don't do anything at all. The punishment/reward system of school and jobs that most of us have spent a good portion of our lives learning is suddenly gone. What's left is an endless string of days full of both tedium and unpredictability--the tedium of repetitive tasks like laundry and dishes and the unpredictability of the many moods of a child.

On a side note: who thought it was a good idea that gums should have feeling in them? (I'm looking at you here, God.) It seems unnecessarily cruel that kids should have the skin inside their mouth sliced open by each sharp, pointy tooth that comes through! I would be grumpy about that too!

Anyway, one of the unfortunate aspects of our culture is our isolation. We all live in our single-family homes and drive our single-family cars on our single-family outings. This was fine when I went to work and had roommates and generally lived out in the world. But now that I live most of my days in my home, I feel the reality of our isolated lives full force.

What I want to say is this: I need help.

But I'm not even sure how.

Here are another few lines from a song:

"Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I'm in?
My hands, they shake; my head, it spins.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Three words that became hard to say:
I and Love and You."
- I and Love and You, The Avett Brothers

I find that the more isolated I am, the more isolated I become. The more I withdraw, the more I want to withdraw. When I don't talk to anyone all day, I don't want to talk to anyone. I skip out on opportunities to interact with people. The more cleanly I draw the boundaries in my own life, the more the messiness of other people's lives becomes overwhelming.

So, like the Avett Brothers, I'm saying, "Please take me in, but are you aware the shape I'm in?"

And I'm trying to follow the advice of Tenth Avenue North: Stop trying to earn grace, and whatever you do, don't turn away.

I need help!

On the other side of the coin, I've had some wonderful opportunities to preach this summer, and I find that as I honestly wrestle with my isolation and loneliness, with my weaknesses and struggle, I can help. I can preach sermons that are real, that enter into the brokenness, that ask hard questions. I can recognize grief and loss in the biblical narrative.

And having a kid whose face lights up every single time he sees me, helps me recognize joy and the miracles of God's good creation.

I think that is a part of God's gracious direction in our lives. Not only does he call us where we are gifted, but in responding to that calling, he redeems both our suffering and our joy. He takes all the things that make up our lives and enfolds it into the work he gives us.

So, that's where I'm at right now. I need help and I can help.