And turn it into joy with a good word." - Proverbs 12:25
I'm not going to lie. I have some anxiety. I don't feel confident at all about my ability to preach every week, about my ability to lead a congregation, or even about my interpersonal skills.
Also, have I mentioned that I'm pregnant? Every thought that crosses my mind gets blown way out of proportion.
These two passages are keeping me somewhat sane:
Exodus 5
God called Moses in the wilderness and told him to go to Egypt to deliver the Israelites from slavery. This should, of course, make Moses a hero to the Israelites. Unfortunately, things didn't start out so well. As soon as Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh to ask for the Israelites' freedom, Pharaoh increased their workload. The foremen of the Israelites said this to Moses and Aaron:
"May the Lord look upon you and punish you for making us loathsome to Pharaoh and his courtiers--putting a sword in their hands to slay us."
As it turns out, being called to lead God's people doesn't always go so well. Some days, saying yes to God's call results in your congregation praying that God would punish you--or something not quite so harsh but that still feels pretty devastating!
So, if things start off a little rough, at least I'm in good company!
Luke 4
In Luke, Jesus started off his public ministry by reading aloud in the synagogue from Isaiah 61 about proclaiming good news to the poor, proclaiming freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind. Again, you would think this would make him pretty popular!
However, the crowd responded to his words somewhat negatively:
"They got up, drove [Jesus] out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him off the cliff."
At that point, I would have been feeling a whole lot of anxiety, but this is what Jesus did:
"But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way."
My heart might be telling me that I'm not qualified for this job, that the difficulties in our congregation are just too much to overcome, and that I'll go back to being unemployed before I know it.
But in my head, I just keep remembering these two stories--one about the greatest leader in the Old Testament--who was hated at the beginning. The other about the Incarnate God, whose congregation tried to throw him off a cliff the first time he opened his mouth to speak. But, God fulfilled his purposes through both of their lives. Both Moses and Jesus did ultimately bring delivery to God's people--in God's way and on God's time.
I may not be Moses and Jesus (and--thank goodness--I don't stir up nearly the negative feelings that they did!) but I trust that what God is doing in our church is bigger than any anxiety I might have. If God called us there, then God will make a way forward.
Joy
I'm preaching this week on the miraculous parting of the Red Sea (or Sea of Reeds) in Exodus 14. In Exodus 15, after the miraculous defeat of Pharaoh's army, the Israelites stopped to sing. Too often, we underestimate the power of expressing our joy in response to God's mighty works. Joy sustains us. It fills us with hope to keep going forward.
Like the Proverb says, I pray this week that my anxiety will not only dissipate but be replaced by joy.
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| This face always brings me joy! |
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