Dreaming of Puzzles

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least." - Goethe,
quoted by Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 3 (of the 7) is "Put first things first." To be honest, I read Stephen Covey's book quite a few years ago, so I don't remember every detail, but one principle that has stuck with me is this chart:

Covey describes a few scenarios based on this chart. Some people spend their time doing what is urgent, but not important: responding immediately to every request made of them without regard for their significance in the big picture. Others spend their lives alternating between the important/urgent quadrant and the not important/not urgent quadrant. They are constantly putting out fires, solving big problems, responding to emergencies--until they crash. Then they stare at their computer mindlessly until another big problem comes along.

A highly effective person spends their time in the important/not urgent quadrant. According to Covey, most of the big problems and crises start in that quadrant but don't get attention early enough to prevent them from escalating. When your spouse starts yelling at you for not spending enough time with the family, the problem is urgent. The way to fix this is not to clear your schedule for the evening and then wait until your spouse gets angry again. Instead, make spending time with your family a priority so your spouse doesn't have to yell.

That example highlights another aspect of Covey's philosophy. Too often we feel forced to choose between two alternatives, neither of which are what we want. As the quotation by Goethe above suggests, it is up to us to decide what matters most and pursue that. Maybe if you spend more time with your family, your boss will be angry that you are neglecting your job. You feel stuck between an angry boss and an angry spouse. The answer is not to try to figure out how to appease both parties. Rather, it is up to you to decide what you want and to pursue that. Covey says that you are always saying "no" to things in your life. If it's not to the urgent things, demanding your immediate attention, then it is probably to the more fundamentally important things that are easier to let slide.

Stephen Covey tells the story of a mall that was descending into bankruptcy after business after business pulled out. A businessman purchased the mall, and rather than dealing with the impending financial disaster, he began walking around talking to store owners. As he built relationships with them, things began to turn around. The store owners felt heard and valued. The owner made good decisions for the mall based on the store owners' suggestions. By focusing on the important work of building relationships, rather than the urgent financial crisis, he was able to prevent financial ruin.

Source: Google Images

I decided to write on this topic because I had a dream last night that I was trying to climb carpet stairs while wearing rollerblades. I was thinking this morning about how my dreams sometimes reveal to me things that I'm worried about or are bigger problems in my life than I realized. (Apparently I have some residual anxiety about rollerblading.) A few years ago, I was really stressed at work. I had a dream that I was walking around my job, and every time someone wanted me to do something, they handed me a puzzle piece. My cupped hands began to overflow with puzzle pieces. I sat down at my desk and looked at the puzzle pieces overflowing my hands, and I felt completely overwhelmed. As I looked at them, I realized that mixed in with the pieces that represented tasks was a map of the United States. By taking the time to complete that puzzle, I could remove the unimportant pieces and focus on what mattered. So I began building the puzzle. I woke up somewhere around Iowa. (I don't think my subconscious had a very good map of the United States to work with.) From that point on, I began to take ownership of my priorities, doing what I felt was most important and would make me most effective at doing my job, rather than rushing around from one person's demands to the next.

Sometimes the most important thing to do is not the most obvious. It might not be the most urgent, and there may be people who are disappointed by your choice of how to spend your time. But by spending your time pursuing what is important and not being drawn into the trap of constantly responding to the urgent, you can avoid burnout, live according to your own priorities and values, and achieve bigger goals.

I often apply this principle with Amos. Sometimes I have a lot of things that I want to get done in a day. But by spending time with Amos when he is awake and happy, not only do I get to enjoy having a super cute baby (a good priority by itself), but I also end up with a happier baby who is less fussy while he is awake and takes better naps when it's time to sleep. Taking the time to interact with him and play with him may be hard when there are dishes in the sink, laundry in baskets, and an unwritten blog, but it results in a happier baby and a happier mommy.

Sometimes it is hard for me to identify my priorities and keep them in front of me, especially during this season of relative inactivity. The image that comes to my mind is that of a boat at sea on a completely calm day. The sails hang limp, and the boat doesn't move. Time well spent on those days can make the ship more capable of withstanding future storms. I hope that this time as a stay at home mom can help me learn to spend my time wisely and effectively so that when I am surrounded by more urgent concerns, I will have the presence of mind to remember what is important and make that my focus.

This is the face of a baby with a highly effective mom.