The New Domesticity

"You can call it a movement or you can say, 'I've got way too much free time on my hands.'" - Stephen Colbert to Emily Matchar, author of Homeward Bound: Why Women Are Embracing the New Domesticity

My thoughts aren't fully formed on this topic because I am very much in the throes of the "new domesticity" and not an objective researcher as I assume author Emily Matchar to be, but I couldn't let Stephen Colbert's interview go by completely without comment.

Emily makes an interesting point. Women are choosing to stay home and engage in a variety of more traditional domestic practices for a wide range of reasons. She cites tree-hugging hippies in the Portlandia
genre who pickle everything to Mormon housewives in Utah who are selling homemade scarves on Etsy, all dropping out of more traditional careers to pursue domestic life.

There is an incredible urban farm in Kansas City, which also hosts a weekly farm market called Badseed Market. The face of the farm, Brooke Salvaggio, is an inspiration to me. She sends out a weekly newsletter, writes articles for local publications, sits on panel discussions about local food and other topics, hosts frequent classes, and has a two-year-old--in addition to being a full-time farmer. She is wonderfully passionate about vegetables and enthusiastic about sharing her passion with everyone she can.

So I know these women exist--the women who are wholeheartedly embracing a "new domesticity." However, I find myself identifying much more with Stephen Colbert's comment. I halfheartedly garden, have not found the courage to attempt canning, cook when I feel like it and buy pizza the rest of the time, and still haven't figured out how to thread the sewing machine. We don't have any plans to start raising chickens. I haven't found any craft-based source of income.

I have a few mom friends, and I think most of them are similar. Daycare isn't really an attractive option for our kids. It's expensive and not always of very good quality. We miss working, but we're happy to have kids and be able to take care of them. What we don't have, though, is any overarching philosophy that has led us to withdraw from more traditional careers. We aren't homesteaders or farmers. We don't sit and knit all day. We mostly just try to keep from going crazy while we're stuck at home with kids all day every day. What we have is a lot of time on our hands.

I have no idea what conclusions Emily Matchar comes to in her book. I do wonder, though, if we have lost our way a bit.

Many developing countries raise their children in communities and multi-family households, not behind their fences and closed doors. The French have an extensive government-funded childcare program, in which a majority of French children participate. I don't know how other cultures raise their children, but in the women who find themselves in the midst of the "new domesticity," I hear an underlying plea for something different than the 2.5 kid, white-picket fence families that Americans have pursued for so long.

The thing is, we don't really need to can. Again, as Stephen Colbert pointed out, food in cans is just about the cheapest thing you can buy. My husband recently sewed a laundry bag for me. It cost more to buy the pieces than the completed laundry bags in the store (which, unfortunately, were not very washable). My garden is producing more tomatoes than I know what to do with while I have a jar of salsa sitting in the refrigerator.

My feeling is that the skills, creativity, innovation, and passion of a significant number of women are being wasted in an economy where children are something of an inconvenience that only un-ambitious women pursue, employees are a commodity being bought and sold rather than raised up, and passion about vegetables makes a business meeting really awkward. Staying at home with children is a convenient way to quietly withdraw from a culture where one doesn't quite fit in.

Maybe I'm unique in feeling this way, but most of the stay-at-home moms I know are smart, talented, educated, passionate, and generally people I would want on my team. They are also often lonely, uncertain, and isolated.

In my wildest dreams, organizations work towards a goal of producing something of value and quality to better people's lives. They employ talented people who can help achieve that goal. People work together to help each other participate in the organizations they feel most passionate about by trading childcare, transportation, or even housing. Maybe someone's organization of choice is a local food canning company or maybe it's an insurance company that wants to provide excellent insurance coverage and customer service. Maybe it's a school in an un-accredited school district or a community house providing food and other resources to those in need. Regardless, I wish the talents and passions of those who have dropped out of the work force could be used in a way that benefits everyone.

I should probably move to Portland.