A Day In the Life

Playgroup this morning, which means I should have a nice long naptime break this afternoon to get some things done!

Time to make a big pot of ham and bean soup to freeze to eat when the new baby comes.

Chopping lots of veggies...getting stuff done. Husband is home for lunch. Few minutes of adult conversation right in the middle of the day. All is well!

Oh no! There's the toddler crying. He woke up from his nap way too soon!

Fortunately, Daddy's home. He can feed him some lunch...

Nope. Daddy's busy with work stuff. Maybe lunch can wait...

You're hungry right now?

My hands are covered with raw onions, and I still have two more to chop. Well, kid, looks like you're having onions for lunch.

Oh? You like raw onions? Weird...but great! Have some more!

And here are some nice yummy chunks of ham to go with those onions.

Putting all the veggies, ham, and seasoning in the pot with the beans...

So quadrupling the recipe seemed like a good idea...until I realize my pot is not actually four times the size of my normal pot. Maybe if I leave out some broth and pray that it doesn't boil over, especially since I just spent twenty minutes cleaning the stovetop last night.

Spilled onions, chili powder, parsley, and carrots. So much for the clean stovetop...

You're still hungry? Here, have a leftover roll to go with your ham and onions.

Why is there broth all over the one shelf of the refrigerator that doesn't come out? Time to clean out the fridge...

Son, why are you sucking on the nozzle of a bottle of shower cleaner? You have to stay out of that cabinet! 

Closing the bathroom door...

I'll start on the fridge by throwing out this old shredded pork that was in the fridge. Oh no! The trash can is overflowing and shredded pork spilled all over the floor!

No! Don't take that bad pork out of the trash and eat it! Stay away from the trash!

Taking the trash out...

Washing the dirty prep bowls and knives...

Why is your shirt all wet? Drink your water...don't use it to blow raspberries and drip down your front! Are you done drinking? Just put your water bottle on the counter. You don't need to throw it...

Soup on the stove. Dishes washed and drying. Floors and counters reasonably clean. Fridge shelf emptied and wiped down. And toddler did not consume any cleaning supplies or rotten meat (although he does have really bad breath!)

Time for cake.

Getting ready this morning: pre hair gel

Post hair gel - this kid kills me!

In Which I Speculate Wildly on Parallels Between the Lives of Noah and Moses

"Today's church wants to be raptured from responsibility." - Leonard Ravenhill

Much has been written about the new Left Behind movie coming out. I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon because, why not?

Moses
The Old Testament lectionary text this coming Sunday is Exodus 32:1-14, which tells the story of the golden calf. God had dramatically delivered the Israelites from Egypt. There were plagues. There was that time when the Red Sea was parted and the Israelites walked through on dry ground while Pharaoh's army drowned behind them. Then there was water from the rock and manna from heaven. The Israelites were on one wild ride.

Picture of the *actual* Moses

And then Moses went up on the mountain. For a really long time. Forty days and forty nights. (That doesn't seem that long to me, but I guess it was to the Israelites.)

Anyway, so Aaron made them a golden calf, and they worshiped it.

Well, God wasn't too happy with this turn of events and told Moses, "I see that this is a stiffnecked people. Now, let Me be that My anger may blaze forth against them and that I may destroy them, and make of you a great nation."

Moses responded, "Let not Your anger, O Lord, blaze forth against Your people, whom You delivered from the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand. ... Remember Your servants, Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, how You swore to them by Your Self and said to them: 'I will make your offspring as numerous as the stars of heaven, and I will give to your offspring this whole land of which I spoke to possess forever.'"

According to the Bible, "the Lord renounced the punishment He had planned to bring upon His people," and the Israelites were not destroyed.

Noah

And the *actual* Noah

In Genesis 6, God had a similar conversation with Noah. God said, "I have decided to put an end to all flesh, for the earth is filled with lawlessness because of them: I am about to destroy them with the earth. ... But I will establish My covenant with you, and you shall enter the ark, with your sons, your wife, and your sons' wives."

And Noah said, "Okay."

And every living thing on the earth was destroyed.

Favor
Moses and Noah are the only two people in the Old Testament who "found favor with God." However, something changed between the time of Noah and the time of Moses. Apparently for Noah, it was okay to just watch the world around him be destroyed while his family camped out in the ark. However, by the time of Moses, it wasn't okay anymore to be content with saving himself while all those around him were destroyed. In chapter 33 of Exodus, one of the most significant events happened: God passed before Moses in all His glory. Clearly, Moses had done something right in chapter 32.

The *actual* Kirk Cameron

Left Behind
This may be a stretch (thus the "wild speculation"), but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it still isn't okay for Christians to revel in their own salvation at the expense of the world around them. I don't think that's the point of the Left Behind movie/books/empire, but I think it may be one reason why Christians like them so much. "Relief" is the word that comes to mind. It's easy to watch those movies and feel relief that we, as Christians, won't ever have to go through all the craziness that poor Kirk Cameron and Nicolas Cage have to endure. Relief that we will be able to escape. Relief that it's "them" and not "us."

But I'm pretty sure that the days of Noah are long past. The days of Moses are, of course, pretty far behind us too, but the exodus narrative is the single most revisited narrative throughout the Bible; it is central to our understanding of God's formation of his people. And Moses' response to God's anger about the whole golden calf thing is one part of that narrative that I think is worth revisiting.

I'm not so sure that God is actually interested nowadays in whisking away his people in an ark or teleporter or some other such people-moving mechanism and then pouring out destruction on everyone else. I think Moses might be a better example for us to follow than Noah.

Tikkun Olam
According to Wikipedia (which I read recently may not actually be the best source for all things academic, but that's beside the point), the Hebrew phrase tikkun olam means "repairing the world" (or "healing the world"), which "suggests humanity's shared responsibility to heal, repair and transform the world."

I like that. I like the hope that comes with that. What if we can actually make the world better? What if we don't have to sit back and watch the world around us be destroyed? What if we can partner with God to bring healing and transformation in relationships, economic systems, governments, agriculture, neighborhoods, cities, families, and countries? What if we can stand defiantly in the face of an impending disaster, whether an "act of God" or otherwise and say, "This will not destroy us"? What if we can stand up for the people among us who are weak and helpless?

What if we accept our responsibility to participate in the healing and transformation of the whole world and not just the rescue of our own? What if Noah isn't such a great example after all?

Joy Comes In the Morning

"If there is anxiety in a man's mind let him quash it,
And turn it into joy with a good word." - Proverbs 12:25

I'm not going to lie. I have some anxiety. I don't feel confident at all about my ability to preach every week, about my ability to lead a congregation, or even about my interpersonal skills.

Also, have I mentioned that I'm pregnant? Every thought that crosses my mind gets blown way out of proportion.

These two passages are keeping me somewhat sane:

Exodus 5
God called Moses in the wilderness and told him to go to Egypt to deliver the Israelites from slavery. This should, of course, make Moses a hero to the Israelites. Unfortunately, things didn't start out so well. As soon as Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh to ask for the Israelites' freedom, Pharaoh increased their workload. The foremen of the Israelites said this to Moses and Aaron:

"May the Lord look upon you and punish you for making us loathsome to Pharaoh and his courtiers--putting a sword in their hands to slay us."

As it turns out, being called to lead God's people doesn't always go so well. Some days, saying yes to God's call results in your congregation praying that God would punish you--or something not quite so harsh but that still feels pretty devastating!

So, if things start off a little rough, at least I'm in good company!

Luke 4
In Luke, Jesus started off his public ministry by reading aloud in the synagogue from Isaiah 61 about proclaiming good news to the poor, proclaiming freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind. Again, you would think this would make him pretty popular!

However, the crowd responded to his words somewhat negatively:

"They got up, drove [Jesus] out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him off the cliff."

At that point, I would have been feeling a whole lot of anxiety, but this is what Jesus did:

"But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way."

My heart might be telling me that I'm not qualified for this job, that the difficulties in our congregation are just too much to overcome, and that I'll go back to being unemployed before I know it.

But in my head, I just keep remembering these two stories--one about the greatest leader in the Old Testament--who was hated at the beginning. The other about the Incarnate God, whose congregation tried to throw him off a cliff the first time he opened his mouth to speak. But, God fulfilled his purposes through both of their lives. Both Moses and Jesus did ultimately bring delivery to God's people--in God's way and on God's time.

I may not be Moses and Jesus (and--thank goodness--I don't stir up nearly the negative feelings that they did!) but I trust that what God is doing in our church is bigger than any anxiety I might have. If God called us there, then God will make a way forward.

Joy
I'm preaching this week on the miraculous parting of the Red Sea (or Sea of Reeds) in Exodus 14. In Exodus 15, after the miraculous defeat of Pharaoh's army, the Israelites stopped to sing. Too often, we underestimate the power of expressing our joy in response to God's mighty works. Joy sustains us. It fills us with hope to keep going forward.

Like the Proverb says, I pray this week that my anxiety will not only dissipate but be replaced by joy.

This face always brings me joy!

How I Became A Preacher

"God doesn't ask us to trade who we are for the label of 'Mom.'" - Lisa Jo Baker

Motherhood
I read those words just a few weeks ago in a wonderful book my mom bought for me called Surprised by Motherhood. (Thanks, Mom!) When I read them, I thought, "Sure. Maybe that's true for you, Lisa Jo. You have all kinds of experience in your field, you've traveled all over the world, you have lots of connections. You were trying to rescue girls from human trafficking, for goodness' sake. Maybe God doesn't ask you to trade all that, but I'm not like you. I have zero experience in my field. I'm living in a city where I really don't know all that many people. Besides that, ministry is not a lucrative career. I'll never be able to get a job that requires childcare, which means I'll never be able to get a job."

Well, last week, I got a job. As a pastor. In a church. That I actually really like.

Here's what happened.

The Beginning
About three years ago, Mike and I decided to leave our church. There were some good things happening there, but overall, it was not a healthy place, especially for us as we began our married life together. We had already been attending another church on Saturday nights and decided that we would just continue to do that for a while. Over time, we got involved there. I had a really great ministry internship. We joined and then started leading a small group. We attended the membership class and became members. We attended some really solid prayer and devotional classes as they were offered. It was a really wonderful place for us as we began our married life together and I finished up my seminary education.

In the meantime, though, a lot of other really big changes happened in my life. I had a baby and quit my part-time job. I graduated from seminary.

Getting Angry
One day, I realized that I was angry. I was angry that my life had changed so dramatically over the past few years, while Mike's had mostly stayed the same. In five years, I moved to a new city, started and finished grad school, got married, had a baby, and transitioned to being a stay-at-home-mom. Everything from where I lived to what I did every day had changed so quickly!

I was also angry that all of my wonderful undergraduate and graduate level education had in no way prepared me to know how to be a stay-at-home-mom. I'm not crafty, I don't like to cook or bake, I have no desire to structure my son's day around learning activities, I don't enjoy solitude, I hate unstructured time with no deadlines...the list goes on. In short, Pinterest is not my friend.

For so long, I had wanted to pastor a church, and now I finally had the education to do it, but it just seemed impossible.

"Waiting is not failing."
I started a blog. I took a class. I continued to lead our small group. I did some small writing projects for my church and in other places. I joined a gym, so I could talk to people outside of my house. I joined a mom's group. These things invigorated me, and sustained me, but they were also incomplete.

My blog lacked the personal interaction that I enjoy about ministry. My class ended. Our small group kept canceling for various reasons. My writing projects ended. I got pregnant and quit the gym. People kept moving away from my mom's group. (I'm still mad at you, Lauren Brian and Katie Savage.)

More than anything, I wanted two things: I wanted a community to invest in, and I wanted to preach the word. I came home from church one day, frustrated that my church would never offer either opportunity. I wrestled with my frustration, and God gave me that phrase: "Waiting is not failing."

But, as Tom Petty also said, "The waiting is the hardest part."

No more babysitting!
While I was finishing my degree, one of my neighbors generously offered to babysit my three-month-old son in exchange for me babysitting her slightly older son. It was a wonderful blessing to me as I finished up my last class, and I wanted to be able to offer that to others.

But here's the thing. I'm terrible at babysitting. I almost always cried through a good part of it. I watched the minutes click by on the clock, just waiting for it to end, praying that I would never have to babysit again, dreading the next time it came around. (Don't take that personally, all my mom friends. It's ok to admit that I'm bad at things, and it has nothing to do with your wonderful kids, whom I really do love.)

Finally, after one especially long, frustrating day of babysitting, I told Mike that I had to find a way to never babysit again. But I felt bad saying no when all I was doing was sitting at home taking care of a baby who slept as much as five hours every day, so I needed an excuse. Out of desperation, I signed up to do pulpit supply so that I would be able to tell anyone who asked me to babysit that I unfortunately could not because I had other obligations.

I know. That's a terrible reason. But sometimes desperation can lead to finally saying yes to God.

Preaching
It wasn't long at all before Mike and I were asked to provide pulpit supply for a church without a pastor. They had most of the weeks scheduled but asked us to do music one week and music and preaching the next week. It was wonderful! The second week, we played an organ/piano duet for the offertory, and they gave us a standing ovation and asked for an encore. Not only that, but I loved preaching. I loved studying the lectionary passage, applying my biblical hermeneutics and preaching classes to developing the sermon, and standing before the congregation delivering the message.

Unfortunately, that experience only fueled my discontentment. I'll spare you the details, but I did not become a better person, especially in my involvement at church, when all I really wanted to do was preach my own sermons.

In the next few months, I had more opportunities to preach, and while the weeks I was writing sermons were often stressful and difficult, the joy and satisfaction I found in preparing and preaching sermons sustained me for weeks afterwards until I got to preach again.

Falling in Love
I preached at a few different churches, but I was really impressed by one church in particular. They weren't very big, but the people seemed really invested. We happened to be there the first week after their pastor resigned, and they were surprisingly organized. They had an order of service. They knew who was doing what. The woman who led music was in regular communication with us throughout the week in preparation for Sunday.

We were not the regular interim pastor, but we came whenever he couldn't, and I started to really like going there. They loved our little boy. They took us out to eat after church. We got to know the names of most of the members.

And they prayed. We went to Sunday School every week between music practice and the service, and I got to hear members of the congregation respond to the lessons each week. They talked about their daily Bible reading and prayer. They talked about the miraculous ways God had worked in their lives. They were generous and kind.

As I prayed for the congregation each week while preparing sermons, I found that I quickly felt at home there. Without realizing it, I began to fall in love with that church.

Where to now?
Then it all came to an end. We had been scheduled to preach a few more Sundays, but they had scheduled candidates to come interview and preach on those Sundays, and they expected to hire one of them as the pastor. The music leader, who was our main point of contact, told us about both candidates and was really excited about them.

I was happy for the church, but I was also really disappointed. Summer is the best time for doing pulpit supply because that's generally when pastors go on vacation, so not only did that feel like the end of our time at that church, but the end of my chance to preach.

That Sunday evening, Mike and I went to see The Isaacs in concert. They were wonderful! A strange thing happened, though. They said multiple times that they wanted to be a source of encouragement to people who were going through a tough time or felt like they were in a dark place. My head said that was me, but I just didn't feel that way. I felt at peace. I felt hopeful.

On the way home, the music leader texted me and asked if we would consider pastoring the church. She said she knew it was a long drive and we had a toddler and another baby on the way. However, on the way to the concert, Mike and I had talked about the possibility and decided that if they asked, we would go through the process and try to discern God's guidance for us, along with the church. So I texted her back and said yes, we would consider it.

Unfortunately, when Mike and I switched churches, we also switched denominations and no longer had any kind of license or credentials that made us eligible to be senior pastors. We didn't hear anything for a few weeks, but they did need someone to fill in one more Sunday at the last minute. It was then that we found out that the district superintendent had informed the church board that we didn't qualify for the job.

Again, I was disappointed, but I prayed that God would bring the right person to the church, and in the meantime, I was actually relieved to have a few weeks off from preaching. I was enjoying my weekly routine more--trips to the library and park, mom's group, visits to the seminary, and even quiet times at home.

A Church Home
Then we got an email from the district superintendent. He asked if we would consider doing long-term pulpit supply for the church. We set up a meeting with him to clarify what he meant by that and then set up a meeting with him and the board the next week. Just a few hours after the board meeting, we got an email from the district superintendent notifying us that the job was ours if we wanted it.

That was one week ago today. Yesterday, I preached my first sermon as a pastor.

Logistics
Lots of questions are still hanging in the air. How can I still preach when the baby is born? How can we effectively pastor a church forty minutes from our house? How can Mike work a full-time job, while I take care of two kids and both of us try to pastor a church? How can we fulfill the pastoral obligations without any credentials?

I always preach from the lectionary, for a few reasons: I think it's a really good discipline to not just preach on my favorite Scriptures, I like the idea of traveling the same path through the Bible as lots of other churches all around the world, but mostly because I have only preached ten sermons in my life, so I don't know how else to do it.

Two weeks ago, the Old Testament reading moved to the book of Exodus. One of the major themes of Exodus is God's intervention on behalf of his people. God sent Moses into an impossible situation and then fought the most epic battle in the Bible on behalf of the Israelites. It's impossible to preach through this book and not stand in awe of both God's profound compassion for his people and his incredible power to move heaven and earth on their behalf.

Reading about the dramatic delivery of the Israelites from slavery makes little things like providing childcare and traveling forty minutes seem like minor concerns. Of course, the exodus is also a reminder that saying yes to God can have consequences completely beyond our imagination, both good and bad!

Last night, I couldn't sleep. It's possible that all the emotional ups and downs of the last few weeks were overwhelming my brain. (Have I mentioned that I'm pregnant and my emotions are off the charts?) I got up and started browsing the interwebs, and I came across this video of Shauna Niequist, which included these words:

"It wasn't narrow theological boundaries that kept my mom from pursuing her passions; essentially, it was logistics."

She went on to say:

"What option do we have? Are we going to leave the world-changing and the kingdom-building to the people who don't have logistical challenges? Are we going to leave those things to the people who aren't scared, to the people who are perfectly prepared? There aren't any of those people." 

Those words felt like they came straight from God. They gave me such assurance that saying yes to God's call is always the right choice even if the logistics seem impossible.

The Pastors Coblentz
So now Mike and I our pastors. It's all happened so fast. We actually didn't even know that our last Sunday at our previous church would be our last Sunday. Two weeks ago, I thought maybe I would still get to do pulpit supply here and there. I was excited about life with a toddler and the new baby on the way. I had accepted that as Christians, we are always "strangers in a strange land," and it might be a long time before I found a place where I could serve and invest in ways that I longed to do so.

I know that we have a hard road ahead of us. I don't think anyone ever walked into their first pastorate and was surprised by how easy it was. And I know that it's not only our lives that our changing but the lives of members of our congregation too, and some people deal with change much better than others.

But I'm excited. I'm excited to be preaching through the book of Exodus. I'm excited about this group of people that we've found to partner with in ministry. I'm excited about playing music every week with Mike. I'm excited about this unknown journey that I feel like my education actually has prepared me for (as much as possible!) I'm excited to be doing this with Mike who, in the past few weeks, has surpassed my already extensive knowledge of his selflessness, optimism, creativity, generosity, passion, and insight.

Yesterday, I preached about God's calling to Moses in Exodus 3. Moses asked God his name, and God replied with the enigmatic eyeh-asher-eyeh: I am who I am or I will be who I will be. God didn't just work in the past; God is working in the present. I'm excited to see what God will do in our little church in the days to come.

I hope being a PK doesn't mess up our happy kid!

Drinking from the Barrel

"Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring-fed well." - Proverbs 5:15

When I read these sayings this week in The Message, they hit me in a new way. What stood out this time were the words rain and spring-fed. This summer has been an amazing year for growing anything. Rain has come in the right amounts at the right time. We've had plenty of sun but no long spells of hot weather. Growing a garden in this kind of weather could not be easier!

A rain barrel and a spring-fed well are the same as a garden that you never have to water. They require no cost at all. With a little preparation and maintenance, the water is there whenever you need it, just waiting for you to get it.

In the larger context, these verses are about being faithful to your spouse. Don't go looking for another woman when your wife is at home. If the other woman is married, her husband will never forgive you (Prov. 6:34-35). Not to mention the foolishness of going down the road that ultimately leads to destruction (Prov. 6:32-33).

However, adultery is not a huge temptation for me, but in our age of consumerism, these verses made me aware of another temptation. I am tempted so often to pay someone else for what I could do myself. Why eat leftovers when I could pay someone to make me fresh food? Why put energy into looking for creative activities and toys when I can just buy something at the store or pay someone else for entertainment? Why take the time to shop at garage sales or thrift stores not knowing if I'll find something I need when I can just go to the store any day any time?

Beyond the ease of those options, there is another component. In college, for a health and fitness class, I read an article that divided exercisers into categories. One category was the person who starts any exercise program by buying equipment and accessories. I'm often tempted by that category. I love gear. I want to have the latest technology in clothing, shoes, and equipment. I want to look the part. I don't want to show up at a yoga class where everyone is wearing their super cute yoga clothes in my ratty old sweat pants and holey t-shirts.

I also want to live the life. I want to go to concerts and try new restaurants. I want to eat fancy food and pretty desserts. I want to go out with friends. I want to go on trips. I don't want to live my life at home. I want to live my life out in the world, experiencing life!

But who said that life doesn't happen at home? Who said that real life is fancy food and expensive concerts?

Well, a lot of people as it turns out.

I was looking online to try to find out why I find it so difficult to drink from my own barrel, and I found that shopping has become a psychological component of our lifestyles. In an excellent interview, Dr. Kit Yarrow identifies a few reasons people shop:

1. Social connection. In an increasingly disconnected society, people connect with others by shopping.

2. Tradition. Right now, we are in the midst of the back-to-school shopping season. Back-to-school shopping has become more than just an aside or an inconvenience; it is part of the back-to-school "season." How could our kids go to school without their shiny new school supplies and their shiny new clothes? Likewise, Dr. Yarrow identified Black Friday as more than a day to get good bargains; it's a symbolic beginning to the Christmas season for many families.

3. Managing anxiety. According to Dr. Yarrow, people use shopping to manage anxiety about upcoming life transitions. For example, when people are getting married or having a baby, they go shopping as a way to feel prepared for the future event. He describes this as visualizing their future similar to the way athletes use visualization to enhance their performance.

As a stay-at-home-mom, I really want to use these years when I can devote my time and energy to my household to develop good habits, routines, and traditions. We receive so many different messages from tv shows, commercials, and our peers that tell us how to find meaning, how to run our households, and how to carry out our traditions. It's not easy to live differently, but the lifestyle instructed by the proverbs has never been easy. If it was, Proverbs would not have been written!

Some alternative practices might include:
1. Inviting friends over for dinner instead of going out.
2. Having a sing-along instead of going to a concert (thanks to the Olive Branch Community for their recent sing-along!)
3. Cooking at home and eating leftovers instead of eating out.
4. Taking advantage of free events like library programs, free museum days, and nature centers.
5. Spending time in your backyard, exploring and playing.
6. Learning skills like sewing, knitting, and canning to make things instead of buying them.
7. Reading aloud, playing music, going for a walk, or spending time with friends instead of watching tv.
8. Growing a garden instead of buying produce.
9. Develop family traditions that don't revolve around buying things.

Here's to drinking from my own rain barrel and drawing water from own spring-fed well!

Do you feel compelled to shop? To pay someone else to provide goods or services that you could provide from your own resources? Do you have more ideas for ways to live alternatively?

Enjoying the fruit of our labors

Reaching Millenials: First Article on the Internet on this Topic!

"They're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone." - Billy Joel

I recently read an excellent interview with author Naomi Schaefer Riley in the July/August issue of Christianity Today about what millenials are looking for in a church. If you read the interwebs much, you've probably come across one or two hundred articles on this topic. People everywhere are frantically writing and talking about how to reach the millenial generation.

Based on this excellent interview and my own expert opinion as an actual millenial, I would like to add my voice to this conversation. Here are a few suggestions.

1. Stop talking so much! Here's an idea for all the church leaders frantically making plans, starting programs, reading viral articles, and generally running around like chickens with their heads cut off: find a millenial and ask him or her why he or she doesn't go to church. Or better yet, just introduce yourself and then stop there. Just listen. Listen to that person (you don't have to start creating categories are generalizing about all millenials). Find out what he or she is passionate about, what that person hates, what that person has been through, where that person hurts and why. If you have the great fortune to actually have millenials in your church, it's even easier. Invite them over for dinner and listen!

2. Redefine "ministry." Some good friends of mine feel like they are called to offer foster care to children in need. So far, they have provided a home for twenty-five kids from the ages of a few months to five. Their story looks really good to an outsider, but they have struggled to participate in church. Their foster kids, who sometimes have behavioral issues or are just not quite so acclimated to church culture, tend to get kicked out of Sunday School. They spend most services watching the service on tv in a separate room. The church has a really great children's department for all the churchy kids, but no one has quite figured out what to do with the kids who don't fit in. Their participation in church is severely limited. Our church defines "serving" in a few very specific ways that doesn't include parents who have to care for complicated kids. We need to broaden our definition of "ministry" to ask how we can love not only the nice people who walk through our doors but the complicated people, the misfits, the socially awkward. And maybe the "ministry" to those people isn't always going to happen between 10:30 and 11:30 am on Sunday morning. How can the church support ministry that never shows up in church attendance counts or dollars in the offering plate?

3. Stop this "family first" nonsense. In the Christianity Today interview, Naomi Schaefer Riley says:

"[Members of the millenial generation] long for intimacy, having a close group of friends. I heard 25-year-olds reminiscing about their college years, a time when they were able to live in community and meet spontaneously."

Churches cancel services for holidays so people can spend time with their families. They emphasize the role of parents in Christian formation in the lives of children. They make a point of scheduling services and events at convenient times that won't conflict with family activities. This is fine if every member of the church is part of a large family that provides plenty of support and encouragement for all the members. However, if the church includes other demographics (unmarried young adults with no children, older people with no close family, people who are the only Christian in their family and strongly rely on the support of the church, children or teenagers from non-Christian homes), then putting families first might not be the best idea. I know, I know. Every church loves young families and wants to do everything they can to accommodate them, but just be aware that you may be making choices that alienate millenials. Don't be surprised when you look around and realize that all your young adults are gone.

4. Don't be afraid to let young people lead. Also in the interview:

"There's a complaint that millenials are selfish. But it's a two-way street. If you don't give people responsibility, they will act like children. When they act like children, then you're less likely to give them responsibilities."

I read a conversation in an online forum between one of my fellow seminary graduates and some older church members. He was lamenting his difficulties finding a job post-graduation. One woman responded and said that in her day, people had to pay their dues. They couldn't just walk into a position of leadership right out of school. She suggested he get a job at McDonald's for a few years to gain some life experience. First, I don't actually believe her. Laura Ingalls Wilder became a schoolteacher when she was sixteen (yes, Mom, Laura Ingalls Wilder is relevant to every conversation). In other eras, jobs for young people have been plentiful, and not just the jobs that nobody else wanted. A few years ago, churches were more plentiful and more financially stable. Ministry jobs were just more available. Beyond that, however, many senior pastors started preaching on Sunday nights or in other settings as teenagers. A fifty-year-old pastor could have thirty-five years of preaching experience under his belt. Telling a twenty-five-year-old seminary graduate to work at McDonald's so that he won't be taking a job away from a fifty-year-old pastor means that when that pastor retires in fifteen years, the student will be forty. How can he get his thirty-five years of preaching experience if he doesn't start preaching until he's forty? Many churches have moved to meeting only on Sunday morning, so opportunities for inexperienced pastors are in short supply. Older pastors may need to share their pulpit and other leadership positions both to help young people learn to be leaders and to insure that the church of the future will have competent leaders.

5. Don't sell yourself short. All of these things are aspects of a healthy community. Friends listen to one another. They support each other in their pursuing their passions. They hang out together because they want to; it's not an inconvenience to be carefully scheduled between more important things. Friends recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses; one person is the party-planner, another is the one you go to when you just need to talk to someone. As a millenial (and therefore an expert on this topic), I want to say this to the church: Stop selling yourself short! The message of the Gospel has the power to change lives! The Holy Spirit has the power to heal both physical and emotional wounds! The culture of the church should be one that is unique and distinct because of it's love. Stop expecting all your members to secretly hate church and really wish they were someplace else. We millenials pick up on that! Why would we want to participate in a community everyone secretly hates? Here's the sad thing: if you watch tv, every single beer commercial tries to tell you that if you're drinking you're having an awesome time. People pick up on that narrative and like to talk about their awesome drinking experiences. But the reality is that most people regret some or all of their party days. You know what people don't regret? Being part of a community that loves and supports them, seeing broken relationships healed, learning how to love and be loved. Being needed. Why does the church think it has to compete with popular culture? We offer way more! Let go of your insecurity and just welcome wholeheartedly every person who comes into your life, whether through the doors of the church or in any other setting.

6. Take some responsibility. There seems to be a perception that the millenial generation just sprung up overnight. Where did these young people come from? Why don't they go to church? How can we ever know? Well, they're your kids and grandkids! They're the kids you taught in Sunday School and hung out with in Youth Group. As a millenial, I want to ask the church: what's the deal? Why did you fail my generation? Who dropped the ball? I don't think it does any good to play the blame game, but before you start reading books and articles about millenials, maybe you need to look at your own life, your own church, your own family. Why don't your kids go to church? What happened to that generation? Do you need to do something different to prevent the same thing from happening to the next generation? Does the church need to change? Do you need to change? Kids don't grow up in a vacuum. Sure, there are lots of cultural forces influencing kids, but the church needs to take some ownership of their inability to speak a more powerful message than the cultural forces that lead away from the church. Condemning millenials for their entitlement or their self-focus or their lack of commitment is not going to make us want to come back to church. Honesty about your own selfishness, your own failure to pass on the power of the Gospel, your own insecurities--these are the honest confessions that it would be nice to hear every now and then.

Well, that's a start. Seriously, the interview in Christianity Today says even more great stuff (in fewer words). If you are interested in this topic, you should check it out.

If you agree or don't agree or want to add another thought to the conversation, feel free to leave a comment. I don't consider my blog to be the final word on any topic. It's just a space for me to think out loud a little bit.

Will this kid find a place in the church?

Dear Diary...

A few weeks ago, I was preparing for a sermon and was having a difficult time really getting into the world of the Scripture. I wrote these diary entries from the perspective of a maidservant to get started. See how quickly you can figure out which biblical characters are represented in this story!

Image source: michaelfairchild.com

Dear diary,

We left home so quickly! My mistress didn’t waste any time getting away from her greedy, conniving brother (not that I blame her!) As her servant, I traveled with her to meet her new husband. When we saw him walking in the field, she knew right away that he was the one. He walked with a great heaviness, as though his heart was already broken. Yet, as I have gotten to know him, I’ve discovered that his eyes betray a laugh that hovers around the edges. It’s as though he sees the world as a strangely ironic place—full of both harsh realities and unexpected joys. And any given situation, no matter how predictable, can always surprise you. I have never seen my mistress so happy! These are good days…of love and laughter and hope for the future. I can’t wait to see the children that will come from this marriage!

Dear diary,

It’s been ten years now. The future once looked so bright, but now no children have come. She is barren, the worst of all curses that can befall a woman. This strange family doesn’t have any gods, either. We should have taken some of the idols when we left. How is a woman supposed to conceive without praying to the idols?! Sure, their god may make the rains come and the crops grow, but everyone knows that one god can’t do everything! I fear for my mistress and for our future. Surely she will send me to her husband’s bed soon. Otherwise, all of our lives will surely end in poverty and misfortune with no children to carry us into the future.

Dear diary,

Twenty years! Twenty years these foolish people have been praying to an invisible god who never answers. All of us servants know they’re crazy. When the gods don’t respond, sometimes you have to help them out a bit! I guess we’ll all die in this barren land together.

Dear diary,

I cannot believe my ears! My mistress is pregnant. So many seasons have come and gone, plantings and harvests, generation after generation of new herds—all with no change. And now—I don’t know how—she’s pregnant! Their god has answered their prayers after all these years. I may still prefer the quick response of the idols, but they have never been known to open a barren womb after twenty years!

Dear diary,

Oh, the cruelty of the god these people serve! My mistress is in so much pain. We fear she may lose the baby after all. Every day, she lays in the tent on her mat, her quiet moans interspersed with pain-filled screams. There is nothing we can do to relieve either her pain or her fear. Oh, if only we had the idols now!

Dear diary,

I accompanied my mistress on a strange journey today. It was dangerous at this late stage in her pregnancy, but in the end, it proved to be worth the risk. She went into a tent I had never seen before, and when she came out, her whole countenance had changed. The lines of pain and worry that had become etched in her face these last few months were gone. I don’t know what happened in there, but she seems peaceful now. We can all still see her occasionally stand still and gasp in pain, but her fear is gone.

Dear diary,

Twins! She delivered twins! No wonder she has had so much pain! Even as they were born, they were struggling—fighting over which would come out first. Oh, the gods be praised! Now this family will grow in strength and prosperity and our future is secure!

Dear diary,

I fear, yet again, for the future of our new family. Red, the older boy, who will lead us, sickens me. He comes in from the hunt, covered in blood, and rips the raw meat off the bones of his prey with his teeth right in front of us. His father eats it up. He loves seeing that disgusting display of raw strength. He thinks Red is just the man to father a whole horde of children. Heel, the younger boy, is so quiet. I can’t imagine him leading us either. My mistress adores him, but it really doesn’t matter what she thinks. Red is our future. Oh, how I dread that day, when he will take charge!

Dear diary,

I hear rumors that Red has given up his birthright! Praise be to the gods, but how can this be? Heel is so weak. He could not possibly have threatened Red or beat him in a contest of strength. I don’t know, but the invisible god of these people seems to be mysteriously at work in this family. The future always belongs to the oldest and the strongest, though. Even with the birthright, it will be a day I will never forget if Heel yet becomes the head of this family.

Read Genesis 25 to see this story told in its original  context and then the rest of Genesis to see how it all turns out!

Why Small Churches Can't Find Pastors: A Hypothesis

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." - Jesus

According to a recent article by Keith Schwanz, sixteen percent of Nazarene pastors in USA/Canada received no compensation for their services in 2013. 42 percent reported an annual income from their congregation of less than $25,000.

While the question of appropriate compensation for pastors, especially in struggling congregations, is an important one, I want to consider a bigger question: what is the church teaching her young people about wealth? Furthermore, how is this affecting the willingness of young people to accept ministerial positions in the many small churches throughout the United States?

In a viral blogpost, Dave Ramsey quoted Tim Corley's list of 20 Things the Rich Do Everyday. While the post received both positive and negative feedback, Dave Ramsey remains one of the most influential voices in the realm of evangelical economics. I think it is safe to say that his perspective is shared by a good number of the people sitting in the pews on any given Sunday.

At the risk of oversimplification, I would like to sum up that perspective in one sentence: your income is your choice.

Why would someone choose poverty? In my experience, the general answer to that question in evangelical circles is simple: laziness. Ronald Reagan popularized the term "welfare queen," referring to a woman in Chicago whose yearly income from government "handouts" totaled over $150,000. Why work for a living when you can just get free stuff from the government?

In the words of one article on the topic: "The 'welfare queen' became a convenient villain, a woman everyone could hate. She was a lazy black con artist, unashamed of cadging the money that honest folks worked so hard to earn."

I heard from the pulpit of my own church just a few weeks ago about the injustice of the welfare system and those who take advantage of it. In other words, those con artists who unashamedly live off the taxes levied on the money that honest folks work so hard to earn.

So poor people are too lazy to work and also have no qualms about milking the system to get every penny they can out of the hands of honest, hard-working folk.

This topic is weighing heavily on my mind because last week a little five-year-old boy was accidentally shot through the wall of the apartment where he lived with his family just a few blocks from my house. It wasn't intentional violence. A gun was misfired in the apartment next door and suddenly his family found themselves in the emergency room praying for the life of their little boy.

But he deserved it, right? His family deserved it, right? They deserved it for choosing to be poor and living in low-income, unsafe housing. They were probably stealing money from us hardworking folks anyway, so if he doesn't make it, that's one less mouth for the government to feed.

Back to the pastors who receive little to no compensation for their work. Huffington Post published a list of 20 Things the Poor Really Do Every Day. This list includes things like search for affordable housing, subsist on poor quality food, work longer and harder than most of us, and live with chronic pain. These are not easy obstacles to overcome for sure, but in the case of poorly-paid pastors, they also receive the indirect condemnation of their congregation for not being industrious enough to avoid these difficulties.

The message goes something like this: Pastors shouldn't rely on food stamps; they should trust God to provide for their daily needs. Pastors shouldn't need decent housing; they should trust God to protect them in unsafe situations. Pastors shouldn't fight for affordable healthcare; they should trust God to heal their physical ailments.

While many older pastors were raised with a different mindset about poverty that did not equate lack of income with lack of character, what choices will the coming generation make?

Here are some examples of choices they might make:
1. I want to instill good values in my children. I want to take time to read to them and play with them. Therefore, I don't want to work more than one job, and I don't want to work more than 40 hours each week.

2. I want to live in safe housing in a safe neighborhood. Therefore, I cannot accept a position that does not pay me enough that I can afford a mortgage payment on a good house.

3. I will never accept "government handouts." I also want my family to eat a nutritionally-sound diet. Therefore, I cannot accept a position that does not pay enough for me to buy higher-priced, high-quality fresh food. I should not have to choose between food that is good for my family and other necessary expenses.

4. I want my kids to be involved in sports, the arts, and other extracurricular programs. Therefore, I cannot accept a job that demands unreasonable hours from me and also does not pay enough to afford the programs I want my kids to experience.

Whether you agree with these specific values or not, the bigger message is, "your income is your choice." If a church offers an aspiring pastor less than $25,000 per year, it's easy to say, "No, thank you. That's not the income I choose." And to say, furthermore, "If I accept that income, I will be perceived as lazy and dishonest (whether I am or not) for the lifestyle that income forces on me."

As long as church-goers are among those who equate lack of income with lack of character, I expect to see the list of small churches who can't find pastors increasing more and more every year. I also expect to see young people pursuing higher-paying jobs in other industries where they can afford the lifestyle that Dave Ramsey and so many other evangelical Christians consider not only normal, but ethical.

After all, why can't we store up treasure on earth and in heaven, right?

We all need time to read!

Help! I need somebody!

"Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face.
Just don't turn away."
- By Your Side, Tenth Avenue North

All right. I admit it. I'm not very good at the whole consistency thing. In my defense, I took a class during the spring semester, and that took up a lot of my limited computer time. But now it's summer and my class is long over,so...enough excuses. Time for a new blog post!

This is going to be a confessional blog. If you're not into that sort of thing, just stop reading right now.

I just finished listening to an excellent sermon my mom sent me. (Here's the link if you're interested.) The speaker made two points: I need help and I can help. We all need help and we all can help.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is a tricky thing. Nobody makes you get up in the morning and go some place. Nobody pays you if you do your job. And nobody threatens to stop paying you if you don't do anything at all. The punishment/reward system of school and jobs that most of us have spent a good portion of our lives learning is suddenly gone. What's left is an endless string of days full of both tedium and unpredictability--the tedium of repetitive tasks like laundry and dishes and the unpredictability of the many moods of a child.

On a side note: who thought it was a good idea that gums should have feeling in them? (I'm looking at you here, God.) It seems unnecessarily cruel that kids should have the skin inside their mouth sliced open by each sharp, pointy tooth that comes through! I would be grumpy about that too!

Anyway, one of the unfortunate aspects of our culture is our isolation. We all live in our single-family homes and drive our single-family cars on our single-family outings. This was fine when I went to work and had roommates and generally lived out in the world. But now that I live most of my days in my home, I feel the reality of our isolated lives full force.

What I want to say is this: I need help.

But I'm not even sure how.

Here are another few lines from a song:

"Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I'm in?
My hands, they shake; my head, it spins.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Three words that became hard to say:
I and Love and You."
- I and Love and You, The Avett Brothers

I find that the more isolated I am, the more isolated I become. The more I withdraw, the more I want to withdraw. When I don't talk to anyone all day, I don't want to talk to anyone. I skip out on opportunities to interact with people. The more cleanly I draw the boundaries in my own life, the more the messiness of other people's lives becomes overwhelming.

So, like the Avett Brothers, I'm saying, "Please take me in, but are you aware the shape I'm in?"

And I'm trying to follow the advice of Tenth Avenue North: Stop trying to earn grace, and whatever you do, don't turn away.

I need help!

On the other side of the coin, I've had some wonderful opportunities to preach this summer, and I find that as I honestly wrestle with my isolation and loneliness, with my weaknesses and struggle, I can help. I can preach sermons that are real, that enter into the brokenness, that ask hard questions. I can recognize grief and loss in the biblical narrative.

And having a kid whose face lights up every single time he sees me, helps me recognize joy and the miracles of God's good creation.

I think that is a part of God's gracious direction in our lives. Not only does he call us where we are gifted, but in responding to that calling, he redeems both our suffering and our joy. He takes all the things that make up our lives and enfolds it into the work he gives us.

So, that's where I'm at right now. I need help and I can help.

All About Eve

"I would have given her [the church] my head, my hand, my heart. She would not have them. She did not know what to do with them. She told me to go back and do crochet in my mother's drawing room." - Florence Nightingale

St. Mark's Episcopal Church, Westhampton Beach first Ladies Auxiliary, c. 1930

This morning I had the privilege of attending a book release for Carla Sunberg's new book, Reclaiming Eve: The Identity & Calling of Women in the Kingdom of God (co-written by Suzanne Burden and Jamie Wright).  Carla shared the above quotation from Florence Nightingale. What a powerful statement! I have felt the same way at times, and this post comes from my own struggle with reaching a theological understanding of my place in the church.

The Barna Group released a controversial book a few years ago entitled The Resignation of Eve: What if Adam's Rib Is No Longer Willing to be the Church's Backbone? Christianity Today's review of the book reported that some of the statistics have been questioned by other researchers and some of the writing about the various positions held by women is unbalanced. However, the title alone is thought-provoking and worth repeating here. Has "Adam's rib" become the "church's backbone"? Are women leaving the church en masse? What does this mean for the future of the church?

My Own Experience
When I decided to come to seminary, I had no definite plans for my post-graduation life. I harbored a somewhat secret desire to be a pastor, but I was hesitant to state such a bold ambition. In preparation for my future, I started testing my thoughts on different groups of people. The responses were telling.

I worked as a high school secretary. When asked in the public school context why I was going to seminary, I usually responded with something like, "I would like to be a pastor someday, but I know a lot of churches support the idea of women in ministry, but aren't so excited about having their own female pastor." I expected dismissal of such a religious endeavor in a stereotypically godless environment. On the contrary, my co-workers responded emphatically with, "Good for you! Don't let anyone hold you back because you're a woman! You can do whatever you want!" The gruff football coach even said he would be on the front row cheering when I preached my first sermon!

When I said something similar in my Sunday School class at church, however, the response was different. The class responded with knowing nods and "mmhmmm's." I meekly accepted their implicit opinion: they would not want a female pastor anymore than the next church. It was time to leave behind the idealism of educators and accept the reality of the church.

Women's Roles
"Note that you as a female are not given a role, but a responsibility, together with Adam. You (and every male and female in this world) are given broad, sweeping instructions to represent God by using and caring for and creatively overseeing his good world." -  Reclaiming Eve

It seems like every few days I come across a reference to Sheryl Sandberg's widely talked about book, Lean In. Sandberg is the COO of Facebook and a champion of female leaders in the corporate world. How would her journey have been different had she pursued leadership in the church? She is obviously a gifted leader, speaker, author and businesswoman. Would her gifts have been recognized and valued so highly in the church?

I like the idea of abandoning the language of "roles." I cannot emphasize enough the importance of having conversations in the church about gender identity in the midst of a culture deluged with mixed messages about macho men and metro men, militant feminists and submissive wives. However, rather than telling men and women who they should be, categorizing them according to their roles, I believe the church should be the place where men and women can discern their God-given gifts and accept their responsibility as bearers of the image of God.

In past years when many women worked at home, the church offered a venue for women to exercise their gifts of leadership, organization, and industry. Women organized fundraisers for missionaries. They coordinated support for families in crisis. They oversaw the spiritual education of children. Women even preached, although many women chose the less complicated route of traveling evangelist which conflicted less with established power structures.

As more doors have opened in the corporate world and more women have entered the workforce, the restrictive roles within the church have held less and less appeal for women. In a recent conversation with members of the pastoral staff at my own church, I asked if women were allowed to serve on the board of elders. The response was a joking, "Yes, in theory..." Apparently, there is recognition on the part of the pastoral staff that for all their interest in acknowledging that God calls men and women alike, the congregation is still a bit backwards and ignorant. (I wonder if the situation would be quite as funny if rather than a question of gender, the excluded group was a particular ethnicity that made up half the congregation.)

One author describes this phenomenon as insider/outsider status. She writes, "Accustomed to hearing the preacher speak to them and about them, women traditionally have not been encouraged to discover that they have voices of their own and distinctive experiences to contribute to their communities." As women have found their voices outside the church, they have taken their considerable leadership and organization skills elsewhere where they are welcomed unambiguously as insiders. Statistically women still receive lower pay than men for doing equivalent jobs, but at least that distinction is not upheld as fulfillment of a biblical mandate.

Moving Forward
As the church in America hemorrhages members at an alarming rate (the exact rate depends on the source of your data), how can the church specifically address women struggling to find their place? I would like to offer some suggestions.

1. Unambiguously embrace women in all levels of church leadership. In her essay on lay leadership, Janet Fishburn writes, "If lay leadership roles are seen as stepping stones in a power structure this is a sure sign that 'church work' is not being experienced as the service of persons gifted by God for particular ministries." If the best man for the job is a woman, then let's give her the job! And let's stop worrying so much about who is over whom.

2. Work to right gender inequalities. Sometimes the biggest hurdle for doing something new is simply that it's never been done. If no woman has ever been elected to the elder board, then it might be time for the nominating committee to offer a female-only ballot to the congregation. Often, in the space of a few years, people can't imagine a time when women were excluded from formerly male-only roles, but it may take intentional action to get the ball rolling.

3. Give women a voice. The Brazilian educator Paulo Freire believed that "for human beings the essential decision is between speaking or remaining embedded in a culture of silence, between naming ourselves or being named by others, between remaining an object or becoming a subject." Use sermon and teaching illustrations written by women. Cite female theologians and scholars. Listen to the concerns of women. And share the pulpit with women. As women in the pews hear other women's voices, they will find their own voices and be more empowered than ever to serve the church.

4. Pay attention to your language. I recently heard an illustration in a sermon about fad diets. The pastor referenced the "diet guru who is followed quickly by another guru as soon as he fades from popularity." I was somewhat taken aback because I was imagining a female nutritionist. If every story you tell, every verse you cite, and every person you reference is a man, women become disengaged and disconnected from the life of the church. The implicit message is that salvation isn't for me.

5. Follow the "crowds, praise, and power." Which ministries are given the most visible space in the church? Which ministries are talked about from the pulpit? Which ministries have the most well-known leaders? Are any of these ministries led by women? Do they involve women? Are women allowed to speak on behalf of the ministries in which they participate? People tend to move towards the crowds, praise and power. If women are excluded from this movement, their sense of belonging diminishes.

6. Consider the theological rationale for traditional "women's ministries." Janet Fishburn writes this: "Where the pastor gives opportunities to laity to discover and use their gifts through mutual ministry to each other, they are more likely to see that the whole world is in need of their ministry. A congregation in mission is first of all a caring community where persons can grow through relationships." Love is learned, experienced, and discovered through a caring community. The ministries traditionally assigned to women--caring for children, providing meals, gathering financial support for ministries--are too often overlooked as theologically insignificant in the overall mission of the church, but these ministries are actually central components of Christian formation in the lives of congregants.

7. Listen. When women complain of being overlooked, don't dismiss their concerns. When women feel that they are without a place or a voice, take their concerns seriously. When women ask questions, think carefully before answering. When we ask questions, we are often trying to understand a past experience that left us confused, hurt, excluded, and even ready to walk away from the church. Don't take these experiences lightly.

Like Florence Nightingale and countless other women, I would give the church my head, my hand and my heart. But I don't want to fight. If giving my life to the church requires a fight, then I don't want to do it (although I suspect that the Holy Spirit may have other ideas). I want to be part of a community where everyone is welcomed, valued and encouraged to discover their unique gifts--regardless of ethnicity, socioeconomic status, position, or gender. I want to be able to say to a young woman who feels a call to ministry with the same passion and enthusiasm of my co-workers, "Great! Go for it! You can do whatever God calls you to do in this church!"

A Tribute to My Grandma

My 89-year-old grandma passed away last week. As we talked about her life and began the process of cleaning out her house, I was amazed by the disciplines that she cultivated in her life and filled with the desire to emulate those disciplines.

She had an amazing work ethic. Of course, I never knew my grandma when she was young. She was the second of ten kids. She was born in 1925, which means that most of her childhood was in the midst of the Great Depression. Her father was confined to a wheelchair, so she grew up in poverty. I really don't know how they made money or how their standard of living compared to those around them, but I can't imagine that my grandma ever knew much besides hard work.What I did see firsthand was the Christmas dinner my grandma prepared for us in December just a few weeks before she died in February. She was planning her dishes carefully so she could do as much ahead of time as possible. She knew her limits and knew that any activity would exhaust her. That exhaustion, though, did not stop her from working in the days leading up to Christmas to prepare a wonderful meal for us. She told me over and over to exercise everyday, and her good health throughout her long life was certainly a testimony to the power of exercise.

As we went through closets, we found all her things very well-cared for. Her clothes were hung carefully with cedar rings on the hangers. She had potpourri in her drawers. Her shoes were stowed in labeled boxes. Her sewing supplies were all organized in her sewing desk. Her crochet magazines were in wire racks on the inside of a closet drawer. She had a few small junk drawers, but for the most part, she took great care in preserving her possessions. It was evident that she did not take all that she had accumulated for granted but rather cherished all that she had worked so hard to acquire.

One of my current interests is learning how to manage a house. In Cheryl Mendelson's book, Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House, she opens her tome on housekeeping with her philosophy on keeping a home. She writes that housekeeping "makes your home alive, ... turns it into a small society in its own right, a vital place with its own ways and rhythms, the place where you can be more yourself than you can be anywhere else." My grandma's care of her home went beyond simply preserving possessions. As I went from room to room, I could feel my grandma's "ways and rhythms." They were in everything from the beautiful copper print of the Last Supper hanging above the refrigerator to the clippings of encouraging verses and poetry taped above the phone book to the boxes and boxes of cards she had received throughout the years. Her home reflected her values. Her home was her haven and also a welcoming place to anyone who visited. When I got back home, I immediately started cleaning out closets, organizing, and planning ways to rearrange the furniture so that my home could more effectively reflect my "ways and rhythms."

Both of my parents are engineers, and I definitely inherited their analytical, logical approach to the world. My grandma, for the most part, lived at the other end of the spectrum. She had "feelings" about things that the rest of my family mostly dismissed as unfounded and irrational. You never knew if her conversations would include rants about Catholics, Asians, or some other archaic prejudice or insight into profound spiritual truths. More than once, she managed to cut right to the heart of a situation that the rest of my family seemed blind to. I wish she would have found a church home that would have helped her to listen to her intuition and use it in service to God's work, rather than too often dismissing her as a crazy, old woman. Regardless, I don't know what I will do without her wisdom and insight that she shared both in conversation when we visited and in her frequent cards and letters. I do know that I want to follow her example and cultivate whatever abilities I have to listen to my intuition.

Even more than her intuition, though, I want to follow her example of faith. I know she struggled with her fear of death. I often think about her experience with loss. She lost a younger brother at age 7 and a younger sister a few years later (age 11, I think) to scarlet fever. Her fiance was killed in World War II. Her younger son (my dad's brother) died at the age of 19 in a car accident. I can't imagine how deeply each of those losses must have affected her life. When I was in college, though, I was visiting, and we stayed up late one night talking and she told me how afraid she was of death. That surprised me because I thought that old people were all prepared to die, especially someone like my grandma who had come face to face with death so many times. But she was terrified! When my grandpa died, though, she was with him and saw his whole demeanor transformed in a moment from the agony of the last stages of cancer to a look of deep peace. Every time that I visited after that, she always wanted to talk about how real and deep is the love of God. Instead of growing bitter or withdrawn, she seemed so at peace and blessed. I will miss the richness of her faith.

The week of the funeral was a whirlwind of activity, and we had to come back sooner than expected because of the weather, so I don't feel like I have really had the time to process the loss of my grandma. These few thoughts are some of the things that struck me immediately. I expect that I will continue to miss her and grieve her loss in the days to come, but I look forward to the Lord's Day when all will be well.

What About Mentors? More Thoughts on the Book of Judges

"Then Micah said to him, 'Live with me and be my father and priest, and I'll give you ten shekels of silver a year, your clothes and your food.'" - Judges 17:10

My pastor (and associate pastor) are continuing their ongoing Judges sermon series. I have no idea what week they are on ("year 29", as the pastor said on Sunday). This week's sermon was part 2 of the story of Micah and his idol in Judges 17. Micah not only hired a silversmith to make an idol for him; he made his own ephod and hired a priest. Talk about DIY religion!

Reading Micah's story got me thinking. The role of the priest in OT times was to serve as a mediator between God and humanity. For us living in post-NT times, Jesus is our great high priest (Hebrews 4:14). Here's where things get sticky for me. Maybe I don't have any idols in my house or a priest on retainer, but I can understand the appeal of such a thing. How awesome would it be to have a representative of God in your guest room whenever you need him?

Person: "Marissa, what are you going to do about this really difficult, complex situation you are in?"
Me: "I'm not sure. Let me go ask my priest what God wants me to do."

Person: "Marissa, what are you going to do with the degree you have worked so hard to earn after you graduate?"
Me: "I'll just go ask my priest what God's will is for my life."

Person: "That goal that you are trying to achieve looks really difficult. Are you sure you can make it?"
Me: "Let me ask the priest to inquire of God if my efforts will be successful."

Seriously. Awesome, right? Ten shekels of silver a year, clothes, and food is a small price to pay to have someone like that around all the time!

Here's my question, though. Do we put too many people on the same level as Micah's priest? Do we expect pastors to tell us what God wants us to do with our lives? Do we expect our mentors to tell us if we will be successful in our endeavors? Do we expect our Christian friends to respond with profound wisdom when we present our complex problems to them? And even more importantly, do we treat these people like they are on a retainer? Do we expect them to drop everything and come running when we need some advice or encouragement?

I started thinking about times when I have been blessed to receive profound wisdom from a friend or mentor, and as I reflected on my post-college life (lots of people want to mentor students...I feel like I did have people who were more or less on a retainer in my life when I was growing up), I realized that most of the people who have spoken profoundly into my life have been chance encounters. I was blessed to work for some really good bosses, but I didn't take the jobs because I thought the boss would make a good mentor. I've been blessed to find some really good friends. But I often befriended them because they were funny and we had shared interests. And sometimes I was surprised by who stepped up to support me in times of difficulty.

I would especially like to share this crazy story.

A few years ago, one of my best friends went through a devastating crisis. She lost not only her job and a good number of friends, but also her sense of justice and understanding of how the world should and does work. Her world came crashing down around her. I had no idea how to support her in such a crisis.

Another friend had recently divorced his wife and wanted to sell the house he and his wife had bought together. Before he could sell, though, he needed to do some work on the house. He put out an all-call for help, and I agreed to spend an afternoon painting.

I showed up to paint along with two other girls I had never met. We talked as we painted, and somehow we got to talking about what happens when you experience a crisis. One of the girls had gone with her husband to serve as missionaries in another country. They researched various mission organizations, raised money, and took a step out on faith to serve God in a new place. As soon as they arrived, they were kidnapped and held hostage by the mission organization. They were kept in a small room and fed nothing but Snickers bars for almost two weeks before they were released. Fortunately they returned safely home, but her experience affected her in crazy ways that she was still dealing with even at the time we were painting.

The other girl had recently been hiking on a mountain and fallen nearly twenty feet. She was only saved by a ledge that jutted out from the side of a sheer rock wall. She was barely injured but was shaken by how close she had come to death. A few weeks later, she was driving when a moose suddenly appeared in front of her car. She hit the moose and her car was totaled, but again she only incurred minor injuries. However, those two brushes with death shook her to her core and she subsequently battled depression and anxiety.

I will never forget those stories. And I will never forget the generosity of those two strangers to share their stories with me. They talked about how trauma changes you fundamentally. They talked about the importance of relatively minor things like eating right and sleeping regularly. They talked about composing an answer for all the people who ask you questions. Then, when someone unexpectedly asks why you aren't serving as a missionary or what happened to your old car, you can answer without reliving the whole scenario all over again. They helped me understand how deeply trauma can affect you, and gave me a greater sense of compassion and willingness to be present for my friend. I was there because I wanted to help my friend paint his house, and I listened because I wanted to know how to help my other friend. As I followed God's leading, he was faithful to give me what I needed.

When we serve the living and active God, we don't have to install priests to always be present in case we need to ask God a question. We serve a God whose name is, mysteriously, "I am who I am, I will be who I will be." But we also serve a God who came to live among us as a man, Jesus. He is our great high priest who understands our weaknesses and our struggles. We can trust this God to send people our way when we find ourselves desperate for advice or encouragement. We can trust this God to understand just how worried or lost or discouraged we are because he's been there. We can trust him to show up in unexpected ways in our time of need.

I don't think mentors are a bad thing. I don't think pastors are a bad thing. I don't think Christian friends are a bad thing. But I do think that we can easily begin to think that we own these people, that they are there to serve us, to encourage and advise us when we ask it of them. When we think that way, we are just like Micah, building our own idol, hiring our own priest, and creating our own religion in opposition to service of the one, true God.

Hidden Holiness

Image source: http://www.adventure-journal.com/

"'Spiritual path' is the hilarious popular term for those night-blind mesas and flayed hills in which people grope, for decades on end, with the goal of knowing the absolute. They discover others spread under the stars and encamped here and there by watch fires, in groups or alone, in the open landscape; they stop for a sleep, or for several years, and move along without knowing toward what or why.
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The planet turns under their steps like a water wheel rolling; constellations shift without anyone's gaining ground. They are presenting themselves to the unseen gaze of emptiness. Why do they want to do this? They hope to learn how to be useful." - Annie Dillard

Annie Dillard has such a way of saying things. If you haven't ever read any of her writing, stop reading my blog right now and go to the store (or other places on the internet) and get one of her books. I highly recommend For the Time Being, from which the above quote comes, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, which won her a Pulitzer Prize and is another great book, or An American Childhood, a memoir of Annie's childhood in Pittsburgh.

Anyway.

Last Sunday our church celebrated Compassion Sunday. (I just Googled "Compassion Sunday" and the internet says the official date is May 4th, but I guess we celebrated it yesterday.) I'm not sure if Compassion Sunday was started by Compassion International or if it's a real thing in the church calendar. Regardless, our pastor preached a stirring message asking the question, "Where is love leading you?" and urged the congregation to consider sponsoring a child through Compassion International.

Mike and I do sponsor a child through Nazarene Compassionate Ministries. (Incidentally Nazarene children are cheaper than Compassion children.) And according to a June 2013 article in Christianity Today, child sponsorship really does make a difference in the lives of the children and their families who are sponsored.

But, I left church not quite sure what to do with myself. "Where is love leading you?" Well, love led me to marry my wonderful husband. Love leads me to feed and clothe the baby. Love led to the baby in the first place. Love led me to spend three hours shoveling snow over the weekend so my poor, sick husband could stay home and rest.

But I want to do more. I want to be, as Annie wrote, "useful." I want to not kill time or spend my time willy-nilly joining and quitting clubs and activities. And I want to do things that I'm actually good at. Or get good at something that matters. I want to do something that requires more skill than is possessed by the average teenager. But what? Where is love leading me?

I was encouraged when Annie went on in For the Time Being with these words:

"But what distinguishes living 'completely in the world' (Bonhoeffer) or throwing oneself 'into the thick of human endeavor' (Teilhard), as these two prayerful men did, from any other life lived in the thick of things? A secular broker's life, a shoe salesman's life, a mechanic's a writer's, a farmer's? Where else is there? The world and human endeavor catch and hold everyone alive but a handful of hoboes, nuns, and monks.
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We live in all we seek. The hidden shows up in too-plain sight. It lives captive on the face of the obvious--the people, events, and things of the day--to which we as sophisticated children have long since become oblivious. What a hideout: Holiness lies spread and borne over the surface of time and stuff like color."

Maybe that's part of the answer. It's not about pursuing holiness; it's about seeing how holiness is pursuing me. It's not about chasing down love and tackling it; it's about following love wherever it goes.

I was told once that the reason there are no straight roads in Indiana is because they follow wagon trails, which followed walking paths, which followed animal trails. Maybe I should stop trying to build straight roads and just follow the meandering path before me.